GH 2/5: Can someone define "accident" for me?
House of Lemon Pledges: Carly tries to process that Jax has known for months about Dante. He wants to explain why, but she knows it's going to be the standard "you were trying to save everyone."
Airport: Jason yells at Sonny that he's not going to be able to help The Only Child That He's Ever Loved, At Least For the Last 12 Hours if he's behind bars.
Dante's Room: Dante asks Lucky to turn off the recorder b/c he wants a moment. He and Looloo nod at each other and then Lucky proceeds. Lucky asks Dante how he ended up shot on the Corinthaus floor. Dante says slowly and deliberately that his shooting was an accident.
Credits
Nurse's Station: Mom brings her son in with burns on his hand. She says it's all her fault, and Piph is more understanding that accidents happen. Guest Mom explains she was preoccupied with her boyfriend b/c they don't get a lot of alone time. The bitchface begins to creepy angrily onto Liz's face. Guest Mom says she didn't know her kid was hungry, and he tried to boil hot dogs on his own. Piph, that's right, Loves To Give Her Opinion When Not Asked, Piph tells the mom that accidents happen and there won't even be a scar. Guest Mom tells her son she's so sorry, and Bitchface unleashes all her personal rage at herself and snaps that Guest Mom has no right to ask for absolution from a small child. So enormous is this overreaction, that everyone, including the little boy, just stare at the bitchfaced crazy lady who goes on and on about what a terrible person Guest Mom is and how she doesn't deserve to be a mother.
House of Lemon Pledges: Carly barks that Jax saw a chance to take down Sonny, so he took it. She congratulates him on winning that war and hopes he doesn't mind losing his family over it.
Cafe Interrogate: Olivia snaps at Raynor for not protecting Dante. She starts to give her statement.
Airport: Jason continues to beg Sonny to leave. That once Olivia and Dante give statements, he'll be re-arrested. "There's no bail for shooting a cop, Sonny." Jason says. So that at least clears that up. The bail was just for killing Claudia. How competent that a cop was shot and no one does anything about it for the better part of a day. Sonny says he shot his own child, looked him in the eyes (even though, actually, this droop couldn't look him in the eyes when he pulled the trigger. He's that much of a smush) and shot him. He says he can't run away from that. He does seem anguished about it. But not as anguished as the family and friends of "Dominique the stranger" would have been.
Dante's Room: Dante tells a vomity little story about how he somehow accidentally shot himself. Lucky tells him good luck getting anyone to believe that. (Goes to update the shitlist)
Commercials
Nurse's Station: Piph tells Liz to rein it in, but The Bitchface is on a rampage. Apparently The Face hates not getting laid twice a day and lying about it and becomes cranky. She tells Guest Mom that it's horrible to steal time from her children to be with a man she probably shouldn't be with anyway. It sounds awful, but if you watch it, it could not be more obvious that Liz is really berating herself. Nik shows up and pulls her away and tells her to cool it. They bicker some more about their ended relationship.
Dante's Room: Loo tells Dante she doesn't like what he's doing. She says no matter about their DNA, Sonny is still the man who "shot you where you stood" Dante says he's not doing it to protect Sonny, he's doing it for himself.
Cafe Interrogate: Olivia has said she didn't see Sonny shoot Dante, and this is true. Laundromat Lou gives a long speech, saying how Olivia was different from the other moms. Besides her decided Milfness, he means that she was the kind of mom who's wash out a kid's mouth for the slightest fib. and now she's lying to protect Sonny. Olivia asks Mac if Lou is allowed to insult her. Mac shrugs and says he is if it's true. heh. Olivia says she can only tell them what she saw. Mac gets a call from Lucky that Dante gave his statement and became a giant loser.
HOuse of Lemon Pledges: Jax and Carly continue to fight. She reasonably points out that Sonny came in the bargain when they got married. If Jax couldn't handle it, then he shouldn't have married her and taken on two stepsons who have Sonny as a father. Furthermore, she adds that if Jax couldn't take Sonny one second longer, he should have talked to her about it, and not come up with this elaborate scheme. Finally, did he ever consider that this could have exposed Michael as Claud's killer. Jax says this plan was a way of protecting Michael. Carly exhales an endless "gahhhhhhhh" of a sigh at this. Jax says that Sonny would be accused of Claud's murder, and then Michael would be free. Carly then becomes dopey again and says that Jax couldn't get anything on Sonny, so he resorted to framing him for a crime he didn't commit. Jax rightly protests that Sonny didn't chop Claud's head off, but he's killed plenty of people. He's not innocent. He is a criminal.
yadda yadda, his position is that protecting Sonny is what hurt Michael and Morgan most b/c they are being terrible role models. Sonny in prison is what will save them.
Her position is that when bad things happen to Sonny, it obviously hurts Michael and Morgan.
Meh, I'm on Jax's side.
GH: Luke finds Sonny at the hospital and they chat. Sonny knows Looloo must hate him. Oh, no, sonny, why would she. See, if you'd killed her boyfriend, the cop, she'd have hated you, and you wouldn't care. But because the cop is your son, just tell her that you feel bad, and she won't be mad anymore. See how stupid that sounds, show? That's how stupid all of this sounds to me.
Dante's Room: Dante blathers about the stupid, insane pointlessness of why he's not mad at Sonny. Just like no one is mad at Sonny for diving for Kate. Just like no one is mad at Sonny for daring Lily's dad to kill him. Just like no one is mad at Sonny for driving Brenda insane. Just like no one (but the Q's) is mad at Sonny for taking advantage of a young, brain damaged man. Just like no one is mad at Sonny for the meat hook.
You know how in War Games, they stopped WWIII by getting that aggravating computer to play tic tac toe? and the computer figured out that there's no point in playing the game because there can be no winners? I'm feeling like that computer right now.
Commercials
Jason's Penthouse: Jason decides that now would be a really good time to get laid.
Lakehouse: Horrible Keifer, who is schizophrenically also often a great boyfriend, shows up. He's rushed over as soon as he heard the news. K cries to him that her stupid creepy father shot a cop, and as if that's not horrible enough. Now her stupid, creepy father has decided that this new son is The Only Child He's Ever Loved For Twelve Hours. She rightly points out that this total stranger matters more to her father than she ever has. It makes me sad for her b/c she's so right.
Dante's Room: Morgan shows up to ask in his adorable manly way if Dante was lying to him. Dante assures him that all of his feelings for Morgan are real. He says he thinks of him and Michael and Kristina as family now. Morgan asks if he hates Sonny for shooting him. Dante says he didn't say anything about that. He told the cops that he shot himself by accident. Morgan asks why he did that. Dante says because this is the stupidest soap opera that ever lived because all anyone ever does, ultimately, is prop up Sonny Corinthos b/c the character of Sonny Corinthos can't possibly prop himself up like any of the other flawed protagonists or loveable antagonists on every single television show. The writers purposefully make Sonny a murderous criminal, so they have to make everyone else in the town into drooling morons who feel compassion for a murderer but never for any of his victims. Oh, wait, nevermind. Dante didn't say any of that. Dante says that Sonny has enough on his plate (ALL ITEMS HE PUT THERE HIMSELF, JACKASS) Dante says he doesn't hate Sonny, he hates what he does. Now see, for me, I don't hate the tax collector, I just hate what they do. Jesus told me so. But mobster? I hate mobsters AND I hate what they do. Because there IS a use for a tax collector. There is NO use for a mobster. I think Jesus would be down with my take on this. Dante says it's difficult b/c his job is to stop Sonny from doing his business. He says he told some lies. but they were apart of his job. He promises his love for Morgan was never a lie. Morgan cries a little and says that Michael may hate him, but he doesn't. He's glad Dante didn't die, and he's glad he's his brother. He lies down on Dante, who hugs him tearfully. Aw.
Lakehouse: Keifer insta-sucks and decides to "help" Kristina by doing his horrible teenage boy version of sex that leaves her wishing she was a lesbian, I'm sure. Kristina is disgusted by this notion. wrathful about this notion. She spits at him that he can't possibly think she's looking for sex right now. He says he thinks it's what she needs, that it will distract her. She stares at him with this hilarious yet righteous scowl of disdain, loathing and anger. He says he's so over her whining about how he's not sensitive. She stands up and finally puts him in his damn place, that he's horrible, and mean and awful in the sack (I added that part), and he stands up and slaps her down onto the ground. I know I keep saying that Sonny and Jason are awful for being murderers, but I have to say that I would never, never, never hold it against either of them if they fitted this doosh for cement shoes. and you can call me a hypocrite if you want, but you know you feel the same way
House of Lemon Pledges: Carly takes her dolly and goes home....or, to her hotel, as it were. Morgan shows up and is confused, but Jax tells him to listen to his mother.
GH: Olivia finds Sonny and says Dante is a giant loser who thinks it's okay for mobsters to kill cops, and she didn't actually see anything to contradict it, so he's going to go free. She has the decency to be upset about it. because honest to god. As horrible as she is for all her stupid lies, only one person in the room ever shot a cop. If Sonny wasn't Dante's father, he would have still killed any undercover cop children she had that tried to take him down.
Commercials
Jake's: Lucky is getting drunk at Jake's again. I think he and Nik talked earlier. Maybe something gross like Nik telling Lucky that he needed to help Liz b/c she's really upset lately. or something just too stupid to even think about but still not as stupid as Oh, Dude, That's Okay, We All Hate Cops Too, and Will Probably Shoot Them When We Can. Liz shows up.
Jason's Penthouse: This show is trying to kill me. Carly's stupid plan is to leave Jax and MOVE IN WITH jASON. omg. hate hate hate. Isn't the stupid penthouse across the hall still vacant? HATE HATE HATE.
HOuse of Lemon Pledges: Michael is livid when he realizes that Jax pretended to help him help dad. He and Jax tussle. Jax, I'm not kidding about sewing bells into all your pillows. And Axes. and...well, really, just All Your Stuff That Can Be Handheld b/c Michael likes to switch it up.
Dante's room: sonny goes to Dante's room. I love that GH has lavender sheets. Dante wakes up and says "hey dad, it turns out you're one hell of a shot."
I would take this show, and put it in a blender, and chop it to bits, and feed it to chickens, and the slaughter the chickens, and feed the chickens to Robert Guza. Raw.
Thanks for reading. If you are so inclined, you can donate to web upkeep costs here. Either way, it's fun hating on this show with ya!
Airport: Jason yells at Sonny that he's not going to be able to help The Only Child That He's Ever Loved, At Least For the Last 12 Hours if he's behind bars.
Dante's Room: Dante asks Lucky to turn off the recorder b/c he wants a moment. He and Looloo nod at each other and then Lucky proceeds. Lucky asks Dante how he ended up shot on the Corinthaus floor. Dante says slowly and deliberately that his shooting was an accident.
Credits
Nurse's Station: Mom brings her son in with burns on his hand. She says it's all her fault, and Piph is more understanding that accidents happen. Guest Mom explains she was preoccupied with her boyfriend b/c they don't get a lot of alone time. The bitchface begins to creepy angrily onto Liz's face. Guest Mom says she didn't know her kid was hungry, and he tried to boil hot dogs on his own. Piph, that's right, Loves To Give Her Opinion When Not Asked, Piph tells the mom that accidents happen and there won't even be a scar. Guest Mom tells her son she's so sorry, and Bitchface unleashes all her personal rage at herself and snaps that Guest Mom has no right to ask for absolution from a small child. So enormous is this overreaction, that everyone, including the little boy, just stare at the bitchfaced crazy lady who goes on and on about what a terrible person Guest Mom is and how she doesn't deserve to be a mother.
House of Lemon Pledges: Carly barks that Jax saw a chance to take down Sonny, so he took it. She congratulates him on winning that war and hopes he doesn't mind losing his family over it.
Cafe Interrogate: Olivia snaps at Raynor for not protecting Dante. She starts to give her statement.
Airport: Jason continues to beg Sonny to leave. That once Olivia and Dante give statements, he'll be re-arrested. "There's no bail for shooting a cop, Sonny." Jason says. So that at least clears that up. The bail was just for killing Claudia. How competent that a cop was shot and no one does anything about it for the better part of a day. Sonny says he shot his own child, looked him in the eyes (even though, actually, this droop couldn't look him in the eyes when he pulled the trigger. He's that much of a smush) and shot him. He says he can't run away from that. He does seem anguished about it. But not as anguished as the family and friends of "Dominique the stranger" would have been.
Dante's Room: Dante tells a vomity little story about how he somehow accidentally shot himself. Lucky tells him good luck getting anyone to believe that. (Goes to update the shitlist)
Commercials
Nurse's Station: Piph tells Liz to rein it in, but The Bitchface is on a rampage. Apparently The Face hates not getting laid twice a day and lying about it and becomes cranky. She tells Guest Mom that it's horrible to steal time from her children to be with a man she probably shouldn't be with anyway. It sounds awful, but if you watch it, it could not be more obvious that Liz is really berating herself. Nik shows up and pulls her away and tells her to cool it. They bicker some more about their ended relationship.
Dante's Room: Loo tells Dante she doesn't like what he's doing. She says no matter about their DNA, Sonny is still the man who "shot you where you stood" Dante says he's not doing it to protect Sonny, he's doing it for himself.
Cafe Interrogate: Olivia has said she didn't see Sonny shoot Dante, and this is true. Laundromat Lou gives a long speech, saying how Olivia was different from the other moms. Besides her decided Milfness, he means that she was the kind of mom who's wash out a kid's mouth for the slightest fib. and now she's lying to protect Sonny. Olivia asks Mac if Lou is allowed to insult her. Mac shrugs and says he is if it's true. heh. Olivia says she can only tell them what she saw. Mac gets a call from Lucky that Dante gave his statement and became a giant loser.
HOuse of Lemon Pledges: Jax and Carly continue to fight. She reasonably points out that Sonny came in the bargain when they got married. If Jax couldn't handle it, then he shouldn't have married her and taken on two stepsons who have Sonny as a father. Furthermore, she adds that if Jax couldn't take Sonny one second longer, he should have talked to her about it, and not come up with this elaborate scheme. Finally, did he ever consider that this could have exposed Michael as Claud's killer. Jax says this plan was a way of protecting Michael. Carly exhales an endless "gahhhhhhhh" of a sigh at this. Jax says that Sonny would be accused of Claud's murder, and then Michael would be free. Carly then becomes dopey again and says that Jax couldn't get anything on Sonny, so he resorted to framing him for a crime he didn't commit. Jax rightly protests that Sonny didn't chop Claud's head off, but he's killed plenty of people. He's not innocent. He is a criminal.
yadda yadda, his position is that protecting Sonny is what hurt Michael and Morgan most b/c they are being terrible role models. Sonny in prison is what will save them.
Her position is that when bad things happen to Sonny, it obviously hurts Michael and Morgan.
Meh, I'm on Jax's side.
GH: Luke finds Sonny at the hospital and they chat. Sonny knows Looloo must hate him. Oh, no, sonny, why would she. See, if you'd killed her boyfriend, the cop, she'd have hated you, and you wouldn't care. But because the cop is your son, just tell her that you feel bad, and she won't be mad anymore. See how stupid that sounds, show? That's how stupid all of this sounds to me.
Dante's Room: Dante blathers about the stupid, insane pointlessness of why he's not mad at Sonny. Just like no one is mad at Sonny for diving for Kate. Just like no one is mad at Sonny for daring Lily's dad to kill him. Just like no one is mad at Sonny for driving Brenda insane. Just like no one (but the Q's) is mad at Sonny for taking advantage of a young, brain damaged man. Just like no one is mad at Sonny for the meat hook.
You know how in War Games, they stopped WWIII by getting that aggravating computer to play tic tac toe? and the computer figured out that there's no point in playing the game because there can be no winners? I'm feeling like that computer right now.
Commercials
Jason's Penthouse: Jason decides that now would be a really good time to get laid.
Lakehouse: Horrible Keifer, who is schizophrenically also often a great boyfriend, shows up. He's rushed over as soon as he heard the news. K cries to him that her stupid creepy father shot a cop, and as if that's not horrible enough. Now her stupid, creepy father has decided that this new son is The Only Child He's Ever Loved For Twelve Hours. She rightly points out that this total stranger matters more to her father than she ever has. It makes me sad for her b/c she's so right.
Dante's Room: Morgan shows up to ask in his adorable manly way if Dante was lying to him. Dante assures him that all of his feelings for Morgan are real. He says he thinks of him and Michael and Kristina as family now. Morgan asks if he hates Sonny for shooting him. Dante says he didn't say anything about that. He told the cops that he shot himself by accident. Morgan asks why he did that. Dante says because this is the stupidest soap opera that ever lived because all anyone ever does, ultimately, is prop up Sonny Corinthos b/c the character of Sonny Corinthos can't possibly prop himself up like any of the other flawed protagonists or loveable antagonists on every single television show. The writers purposefully make Sonny a murderous criminal, so they have to make everyone else in the town into drooling morons who feel compassion for a murderer but never for any of his victims. Oh, wait, nevermind. Dante didn't say any of that. Dante says that Sonny has enough on his plate (ALL ITEMS HE PUT THERE HIMSELF, JACKASS) Dante says he doesn't hate Sonny, he hates what he does. Now see, for me, I don't hate the tax collector, I just hate what they do. Jesus told me so. But mobster? I hate mobsters AND I hate what they do. Because there IS a use for a tax collector. There is NO use for a mobster. I think Jesus would be down with my take on this. Dante says it's difficult b/c his job is to stop Sonny from doing his business. He says he told some lies. but they were apart of his job. He promises his love for Morgan was never a lie. Morgan cries a little and says that Michael may hate him, but he doesn't. He's glad Dante didn't die, and he's glad he's his brother. He lies down on Dante, who hugs him tearfully. Aw.
Lakehouse: Keifer insta-sucks and decides to "help" Kristina by doing his horrible teenage boy version of sex that leaves her wishing she was a lesbian, I'm sure. Kristina is disgusted by this notion. wrathful about this notion. She spits at him that he can't possibly think she's looking for sex right now. He says he thinks it's what she needs, that it will distract her. She stares at him with this hilarious yet righteous scowl of disdain, loathing and anger. He says he's so over her whining about how he's not sensitive. She stands up and finally puts him in his damn place, that he's horrible, and mean and awful in the sack (I added that part), and he stands up and slaps her down onto the ground. I know I keep saying that Sonny and Jason are awful for being murderers, but I have to say that I would never, never, never hold it against either of them if they fitted this doosh for cement shoes. and you can call me a hypocrite if you want, but you know you feel the same way
House of Lemon Pledges: Carly takes her dolly and goes home....or, to her hotel, as it were. Morgan shows up and is confused, but Jax tells him to listen to his mother.
GH: Olivia finds Sonny and says Dante is a giant loser who thinks it's okay for mobsters to kill cops, and she didn't actually see anything to contradict it, so he's going to go free. She has the decency to be upset about it. because honest to god. As horrible as she is for all her stupid lies, only one person in the room ever shot a cop. If Sonny wasn't Dante's father, he would have still killed any undercover cop children she had that tried to take him down.
Commercials
Jake's: Lucky is getting drunk at Jake's again. I think he and Nik talked earlier. Maybe something gross like Nik telling Lucky that he needed to help Liz b/c she's really upset lately. or something just too stupid to even think about but still not as stupid as Oh, Dude, That's Okay, We All Hate Cops Too, and Will Probably Shoot Them When We Can. Liz shows up.
Jason's Penthouse: This show is trying to kill me. Carly's stupid plan is to leave Jax and MOVE IN WITH jASON. omg. hate hate hate. Isn't the stupid penthouse across the hall still vacant? HATE HATE HATE.
HOuse of Lemon Pledges: Michael is livid when he realizes that Jax pretended to help him help dad. He and Jax tussle. Jax, I'm not kidding about sewing bells into all your pillows. And Axes. and...well, really, just All Your Stuff That Can Be Handheld b/c Michael likes to switch it up.
Dante's room: sonny goes to Dante's room. I love that GH has lavender sheets. Dante wakes up and says "hey dad, it turns out you're one hell of a shot."
I would take this show, and put it in a blender, and chop it to bits, and feed it to chickens, and the slaughter the chickens, and feed the chickens to Robert Guza. Raw.
Thanks for reading. If you are so inclined, you can donate to web upkeep costs here. Either way, it's fun hating on this show with ya!
Dante tells a vomity little story about how he somehow accidentally shot himself
THIS MAKES ME SICK!!!! HE hated himj lss than 12 hours ago..and now...GRRR THIS SHOW!
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House of Lemon Pledges: Carly barks that Jax saw a chance to take down Sonny, so he took it. She congratulates him on winning that war and hopes he doesn't mind losing his family over it.
Oh shut the fruck up Carly!! At least Jax sees Sonny as the CRIMINAL he is... you would think after he put A BULLET IN CHUCKY's head she'd learn.
Thanks Mad.
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Didn't he put a bullet in CARLY'S head and she forgave him?
If Sonny and Olivia get together after this I just may be done with GH for awhile!
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Yup he was all OBSESSED w/Lo so he shot first and didn't bother to ask ?'s later so Carly ended up with a bullet in her head and Lo delivered the Mime (now Chachi).
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I would take GUZA the looza, put him in a blender and flush him down the toilet
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LOL @ "Guest Mom" that is so funny.
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Dante says he's not doing it to protect Sonny, he's doing it for himself.
Right cause if he told the truth he would be written out of the show...good going *^%$#*@ show
If Olivia ends up with Sonny I want someone to beat her with a stick, no seriously
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Mad kudos to you for having the stomach to cap this MESS. First off the idea that Stumpy is out on bail for the Claw thing is f'ng ridiculous then Carly having the nerve to give jax a hard time for wanting that slug out of their lives is just as bad.
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Oh my GOD, the end comment about feeding the chickens then giving the raw chicken to Guza...WORD!!
I am so impressed that you can watch this and haven't gone blind yet from the absolute stupidity of these effing storylines....
** taking shot over stupidity of show **
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I physically spit on the computer with the safety advice you gave to Jax, "Jax, I'm not kidding about sewing bells into all your pillows. And Axes. and...well, really, just All Your Stuff That Can Be Handheld b/c Michael likes to switch it up." Brilliant!!!
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I am about ready to pull my hair out! GH is like a trainwreck you can't turn away from. I HATE Sonny and I'm going to be royally ticked if they turn Dante into some kind of mob boss. I just don't get Sonny's appeal, at all. He's like Tony Soprano that way... Why do women think a selfish, self-centered, arrogant, killing machine is, "Oh, my God, he's so hot!" The FB page for GH makes me gag! Even the characters who tell it like it is eventually just shut up and get on with their stupidly lame story line. And what about Robin being so pissed at Patrick for not telling her? I loved the line where Patrick asked her what she would have done, and she said probably the same thing she did about Michael. Patrick's comeback of "So, how'd that work out for you" was brilliant. Too bad the light was snuffed out so quickly!
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Your litany of Sonny's biggest crimes was perfect, and, frankly, it gave me chills, the way you listed it all out like that.
Yes, he is like no other flawed protagonist or lovable antagonist. The show must revolve around him at all costs. argh.
I just don't get it. I have to listen to Dante's explanation again, but something makes me think I still won't get it.
How about the ma/son telepathy that lead both ma and son to drop their brain on the floor at the same exact moment? That was the only cool thing about this trainwreck.
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