GH 2/19: Party like it's 1899!
Guza clearly misses the good old days before the 19th amendment. Have you ever read his screenplay, Suffering Suffragettes? Lecretia Mott is the villain, and everyone dies in a monkey pox firequake at Seneca Falls.
Previously on General Hospital, Liz, Lucky and Nik went 88 miles per hour in Nik's DeLorean and ended up in Victorian Port Charles when the common opinion was that a woman's womb wandered around her body and that madness was associated with menstruation, pregnancy and menopause, and the treatment was basically solitary confinement. Unfortunately, during their time travel, they inadvertently prevented Stavros from raping Laura! Now Lucky and Nik must race against time to not only cure Liz of her madness of sexual desire, but to get Stavros to rape their mother again, or Nik will never be born! Watch the power of love, weekdays at 3pm eastern/2pm central, here on ABC!
Wyndermere: Idiot Nik is angry at Luke for being angry that Helena is in town and no one told him. Even though he knows that his crazy granny often tries to kill people he loves, he's bizarrely angry at Luke for being upset about that fact. Everyone is crazy but Liz is what I think.
Victorian Port Charles: Lucky has his gun trained on Helena, who continues to find it delightful that Liz is going to be treated with leeches later and is pregnant with the Cassadine heir. Because why shouldn't she also ignore Lil Homer and only care about this new baby?
Credits
Victorian Port Charles: Lucky sniffles that he may be the father. Helena says the way Liz and Nik were rutting all over Wyndermere, Lucky's chances are low. She says the LL2 love has been dead for a long time. Liz shouts that Helena is wrong. Helena says that the baby is a Cassadine responsibility. She says at some point, Liz will probably whore herself out to the next Mr. Wonderful, and then she'll got back to Lucky. Lucky is all angry about this, as if this isn't exactly what he's been bellowing for days. Helena laughs at the gun and tells Liz to take care. She leaves, and Liz collapses into Lucky's arms, sobbing.
Wyndermere: Luke says that Lucky didn't deserve this and that Nik is always looking for a woman to save him from himself. He says if Nik or Helena messes with his family....He pauses menacingly. But seriously, you'll what, Luke? Go do a play in another country for 6 months? I'm sure Nik is so scared.
Dante's room: Carly is still yammering to Dante that he lied for months to her and her kids, so there's no reason why he can't lie on the stand. Because pretending to be a thug whilst undercover is a bad thing, but shooting cops is not. Dante insists that Michael and Morgan will be better off without him. She yells that she should bring morgan and Michael here for him to tell them that to their face. He's totally bored by this threat and says she can do what she's gotta do. She cries that Sonny won't last b/c he has so many enemies. Basically she's saying "my husband has murdered and screwed over so many people, and he shoots cops, so the guards won't protect him, and he's made this horrible bed of murder and crime, and it's not fair that there be consequences. He's never been willing to change or compromise one single time in his entire life in order to help anyone, but won't you please compromise your integrity for him now?" Olivia shows up and barks at Carly not to tell her son to lie.
Commercials
Corinthaus: Sonny tells Jason of his plan to claim self defense. This way Michael won't be under suspicion, and Dante gets his bust, and hopefully someday he'll forgive him. This whole vomity thing about Sonny being a good man who just kills people because he's different is different is so goofy. Now this added layer that somehow Sonny is doing a noble thing irks me.
But the really vomity thing is Carly's defense of Sonny in all of this. In Robert Guza's screenplay: PG&E:Their Side of the Story,Guza tells the story of Erin Brockovich from PG&E's point of view. Erin herself is sent to an insane asylum on page 4 when it's revealedthat she is an unmarried mother and enjoys sex. The character thatMarg Helgenberger played in the original film gives a passionate speechon page 62 in which she explains to the other citizens of Hinkley thatPG&E is actually good at heart.
"They aren't perfect, but theyreally love their children. They live by a personal code that isdifferent from other people's. Are you suggesting we make it illegalto be different? Their personal code says that as long as they areturning a profit, and their children are healthy, then anything andeverything else they do is morally acceptable. Poisoning our watersupply didn't have an adverse effect on their children, so how can wejudge them for doing it? Also, if they learned that one of us here inHinkley was actually their child, they'd feel really, reallybad about poisoning that person, and they'd immediately stop poisoninghim or her! Because poisoning us didn't go against their personalcode of making money and keeping their kids safe, how can we ask themto stop? Sure, here in Hinkley we choose not to poison people to turna profit, but what if PG&E asked us to stop not poisoning people? Would that be fair? Then how can we ask them to do something wewouldn't want for ourselves?"
Carly and Olivia yell at each other. Carly has herself convinced that she's protecting her children, thus anything and everything else she does is fine, and she has the right to demand anything of anyone to that end. Carly leaves and Dante angrily says that Olivia wants everyone else to tell the truth while she keeps lying. No idea what that means.
Victorian Port Charles: Liz cries that Helena was right. Lucky speaks to Liz like she's standing on a ledge, with a noose around her neck, a gun in her mouth, and a razor blade at her wrist.
Commercials
Dante's room: Olivia tries to calm herself down. Dante obnoxiously says that at least Carly never lied to her kids about who Sonny is. What if the blue blazes does that have to do with anything? Olivia shares my contempt for that statement by bellowing "and look how well that's turned out for everyone?" She points out that all of Sonny's kids have lived in little else but tumult their entire short lives. Dante says it was hard growing up believing his mom was the town slut when in reality she never brought a man home. She says she didn't treasure being thought of that way, but he didn't grow up with violence. That the Falconaries are poor, but they are good and decent, they go to church, they eat dinner together every night, they may get a little drunk at Christmas, but Dante had good people who loved him around him his whole life.
Haunted Star: Ethan breaks the news to Looloo that Liz is pregnant. Luke and Ethan switch places. Loo says she's worried that Lucky will take responsibility for the mess Liz and Nik created, and he'll be the one who tries to fix it. Luke gently says this is not her business.
Victorian Port Charles: Lucky and Liz coo to each other lovingly. WTF IS GOING ON NOW? They've been unbearably cruel to each other, but now they are just cooing lovingly? Have they both been getting electro shock therapy...er...wait...it's Victorian times. I guess the equivalent would have been blood lettings by the barber? He says she self sabatoges herself when she's close to getting what she wants. When does she do that? oh, he must mean when he slept with Maxie....that Liz sabatoged their relationship? I guess he's saying he only slept with her sister because she self sabotaged him into doing it? He says he'll always love her, and she asks if this means he forgives her.
Commercials
GH: Jason finds Carly and she explains how she's begged Dante to compromise his integrity to protect Sonny from having never compromised anything. Jason isn't sure this plan will work.
Wyndermere: helena shows up full of mirth and learns that Luke visited. She laughs cruelly and says she misses Luke. Helena says she warned him not to get involved with Liz. She's so happy about it, though. Like when I was tiny and wanted to eat an orange, and my mom said she had to peel it first, and I stomped and pouted and said I wanted it now, so she laughed and handed me the unpeeled orange and watched me bite into the horrible, bitter exterior and then be forced to either admit I was wrong and let her peel it or pretend I had wanted to eat orange peel and suffer through it. I don't remember how I handled it, but one of my first memories is biting into an unpeeled orange while everyone laughed at the funny baby grimace I made. Helena laughs at Nik now because he's still a toddler when it comes to being cruel and evil, and it delights her to watch him teeter around it and make mistakes and bite into a trollop instead of someone she carefully prepped for him and handed to him on a platter.
Victorian Port Charles: So Liz is insane and weak because liking sex and being pregnant are things crazy people do. Lucky knows this, so he lies to her that he's forgiven her. Because it was so mean of her to lie to him about her feelings because she's just a woman who shouldn't even have the right to vote, but it's noble and awesome of him to lie to her about his feelings because he's got a penis. Or something like that. Stupid effing show.
Commercials
Haunted Star: Helena visits Luke. They share murderous pleasantries. he warns that if he harms Lucky, he'll make her pay. She purrs lovingly that she's missed him so much. heh. She says that if the baby is Nik's, the Lucky will be free. Luke asks how much easier it would be if he snapped her neck. She shrugs elegantly and says it's always an option. She says that really, she and he are on the same side. They toast, but Luke continues to glare at her.
GH: I think Carly and Jason have decided that Sonny will have to leave the country afterall. Jason says then they'll try to keep Michael safe and from confessing. (how is that plan any less risky for Michael than Jax's plan?) Carly says she wants to know what Jason will do, will he take over The Business. Jason says he'll have to. Carly asks about Dante. Jason says he'll come after him. Carly points out that Dante is a cop, and he's sonny's son, so how can Jason stop him. oh, and what she's saying there? Is that if Dante were just a cop, then Jason would take care of him by killing him. Nice, right?
Dante's room: Loo shows up to find Dante's bed empty.
Corinthaus: Sonny yells at Olivia that she lied to him, and she needs to own up to it. She says that if he weren't the sort of vermin who shoots cops, she wouldn't have lied. Or not really. She just stares at him.
Commercials
Alley: Milo and Max shoot at Dante, and vice versa. Ethan walks up and laughs, like they are playing paint ball and tells them to stop. I think I hallucinated that.
Corinthaus: Sonny says that Olivia should have told him the truth. She says this was hardly a casual decision. He bellows that he never got to be with his kid as he grew up, be close to him, play baseball. (oddly, he doesn't add "dive for my lover when someone tried to kill him" or "encourage him to kill people") Olivia cries that she was so in love with Sonny, but she knew he was bad for her son, and she thinks she made a damn good call. Sonny asks "for who? for you?" NO JACKASS, FOR DANTE, YOU SON. OMG. SHE'S SAYING SHE MADE A GOOD CALL FOR YOUR SON. But Sonny the Narcissist points out that it wasn't good for him, thus it wasn't good.
Rooftop: Dante stands on the roof. That's weird. He's neither pregnant nor slutty. I think this must be a mistake in editing. Jason shows up and Dante yammers about hospitals.
Victorian Port Charles: Liz sits in her laurachair. She says she regrets everything. Nik says he still loves her.
Lucky drives down the road, crying and speeding. totally sane. Maxie drives down the road and drives and texts. Apparently they are both doing this without their headlights on b/c suddenly they are shocked to see the other on the road, and they swerve.
the end
Wyndermere: Idiot Nik is angry at Luke for being angry that Helena is in town and no one told him. Even though he knows that his crazy granny often tries to kill people he loves, he's bizarrely angry at Luke for being upset about that fact. Everyone is crazy but Liz is what I think.
Victorian Port Charles: Lucky has his gun trained on Helena, who continues to find it delightful that Liz is going to be treated with leeches later and is pregnant with the Cassadine heir. Because why shouldn't she also ignore Lil Homer and only care about this new baby?
Credits
Victorian Port Charles: Lucky sniffles that he may be the father. Helena says the way Liz and Nik were rutting all over Wyndermere, Lucky's chances are low. She says the LL2 love has been dead for a long time. Liz shouts that Helena is wrong. Helena says that the baby is a Cassadine responsibility. She says at some point, Liz will probably whore herself out to the next Mr. Wonderful, and then she'll got back to Lucky. Lucky is all angry about this, as if this isn't exactly what he's been bellowing for days. Helena laughs at the gun and tells Liz to take care. She leaves, and Liz collapses into Lucky's arms, sobbing.
Wyndermere: Luke says that Lucky didn't deserve this and that Nik is always looking for a woman to save him from himself. He says if Nik or Helena messes with his family....He pauses menacingly. But seriously, you'll what, Luke? Go do a play in another country for 6 months? I'm sure Nik is so scared.
Dante's room: Carly is still yammering to Dante that he lied for months to her and her kids, so there's no reason why he can't lie on the stand. Because pretending to be a thug whilst undercover is a bad thing, but shooting cops is not. Dante insists that Michael and Morgan will be better off without him. She yells that she should bring morgan and Michael here for him to tell them that to their face. He's totally bored by this threat and says she can do what she's gotta do. She cries that Sonny won't last b/c he has so many enemies. Basically she's saying "my husband has murdered and screwed over so many people, and he shoots cops, so the guards won't protect him, and he's made this horrible bed of murder and crime, and it's not fair that there be consequences. He's never been willing to change or compromise one single time in his entire life in order to help anyone, but won't you please compromise your integrity for him now?" Olivia shows up and barks at Carly not to tell her son to lie.
Commercials
Corinthaus: Sonny tells Jason of his plan to claim self defense. This way Michael won't be under suspicion, and Dante gets his bust, and hopefully someday he'll forgive him. This whole vomity thing about Sonny being a good man who just kills people because he's different is different is so goofy. Now this added layer that somehow Sonny is doing a noble thing irks me.
But the really vomity thing is Carly's defense of Sonny in all of this. In Robert Guza's screenplay: PG&E:Their Side of the Story,Guza tells the story of Erin Brockovich from PG&E's point of view. Erin herself is sent to an insane asylum on page 4 when it's revealedthat she is an unmarried mother and enjoys sex. The character thatMarg Helgenberger played in the original film gives a passionate speechon page 62 in which she explains to the other citizens of Hinkley thatPG&E is actually good at heart.
"They aren't perfect, but theyreally love their children. They live by a personal code that isdifferent from other people's. Are you suggesting we make it illegalto be different? Their personal code says that as long as they areturning a profit, and their children are healthy, then anything andeverything else they do is morally acceptable. Poisoning our watersupply didn't have an adverse effect on their children, so how can wejudge them for doing it? Also, if they learned that one of us here inHinkley was actually their child, they'd feel really, reallybad about poisoning that person, and they'd immediately stop poisoninghim or her! Because poisoning us didn't go against their personalcode of making money and keeping their kids safe, how can we ask themto stop? Sure, here in Hinkley we choose not to poison people to turna profit, but what if PG&E asked us to stop not poisoning people? Would that be fair? Then how can we ask them to do something wewouldn't want for ourselves?"
Carly and Olivia yell at each other. Carly has herself convinced that she's protecting her children, thus anything and everything else she does is fine, and she has the right to demand anything of anyone to that end. Carly leaves and Dante angrily says that Olivia wants everyone else to tell the truth while she keeps lying. No idea what that means.
Victorian Port Charles: Liz cries that Helena was right. Lucky speaks to Liz like she's standing on a ledge, with a noose around her neck, a gun in her mouth, and a razor blade at her wrist.
Commercials
Dante's room: Olivia tries to calm herself down. Dante obnoxiously says that at least Carly never lied to her kids about who Sonny is. What if the blue blazes does that have to do with anything? Olivia shares my contempt for that statement by bellowing "and look how well that's turned out for everyone?" She points out that all of Sonny's kids have lived in little else but tumult their entire short lives. Dante says it was hard growing up believing his mom was the town slut when in reality she never brought a man home. She says she didn't treasure being thought of that way, but he didn't grow up with violence. That the Falconaries are poor, but they are good and decent, they go to church, they eat dinner together every night, they may get a little drunk at Christmas, but Dante had good people who loved him around him his whole life.
Haunted Star: Ethan breaks the news to Looloo that Liz is pregnant. Luke and Ethan switch places. Loo says she's worried that Lucky will take responsibility for the mess Liz and Nik created, and he'll be the one who tries to fix it. Luke gently says this is not her business.
Victorian Port Charles: Lucky and Liz coo to each other lovingly. WTF IS GOING ON NOW? They've been unbearably cruel to each other, but now they are just cooing lovingly? Have they both been getting electro shock therapy...er...wait...it's Victorian times. I guess the equivalent would have been blood lettings by the barber? He says she self sabatoges herself when she's close to getting what she wants. When does she do that? oh, he must mean when he slept with Maxie....that Liz sabatoged their relationship? I guess he's saying he only slept with her sister because she self sabotaged him into doing it? He says he'll always love her, and she asks if this means he forgives her.
Commercials
GH: Jason finds Carly and she explains how she's begged Dante to compromise his integrity to protect Sonny from having never compromised anything. Jason isn't sure this plan will work.
Wyndermere: helena shows up full of mirth and learns that Luke visited. She laughs cruelly and says she misses Luke. Helena says she warned him not to get involved with Liz. She's so happy about it, though. Like when I was tiny and wanted to eat an orange, and my mom said she had to peel it first, and I stomped and pouted and said I wanted it now, so she laughed and handed me the unpeeled orange and watched me bite into the horrible, bitter exterior and then be forced to either admit I was wrong and let her peel it or pretend I had wanted to eat orange peel and suffer through it. I don't remember how I handled it, but one of my first memories is biting into an unpeeled orange while everyone laughed at the funny baby grimace I made. Helena laughs at Nik now because he's still a toddler when it comes to being cruel and evil, and it delights her to watch him teeter around it and make mistakes and bite into a trollop instead of someone she carefully prepped for him and handed to him on a platter.
Victorian Port Charles: So Liz is insane and weak because liking sex and being pregnant are things crazy people do. Lucky knows this, so he lies to her that he's forgiven her. Because it was so mean of her to lie to him about her feelings because she's just a woman who shouldn't even have the right to vote, but it's noble and awesome of him to lie to her about his feelings because he's got a penis. Or something like that. Stupid effing show.
Commercials
Haunted Star: Helena visits Luke. They share murderous pleasantries. he warns that if he harms Lucky, he'll make her pay. She purrs lovingly that she's missed him so much. heh. She says that if the baby is Nik's, the Lucky will be free. Luke asks how much easier it would be if he snapped her neck. She shrugs elegantly and says it's always an option. She says that really, she and he are on the same side. They toast, but Luke continues to glare at her.
GH: I think Carly and Jason have decided that Sonny will have to leave the country afterall. Jason says then they'll try to keep Michael safe and from confessing. (how is that plan any less risky for Michael than Jax's plan?) Carly says she wants to know what Jason will do, will he take over The Business. Jason says he'll have to. Carly asks about Dante. Jason says he'll come after him. Carly points out that Dante is a cop, and he's sonny's son, so how can Jason stop him. oh, and what she's saying there? Is that if Dante were just a cop, then Jason would take care of him by killing him. Nice, right?
Dante's room: Loo shows up to find Dante's bed empty.
Corinthaus: Sonny yells at Olivia that she lied to him, and she needs to own up to it. She says that if he weren't the sort of vermin who shoots cops, she wouldn't have lied. Or not really. She just stares at him.
Commercials
Alley: Milo and Max shoot at Dante, and vice versa. Ethan walks up and laughs, like they are playing paint ball and tells them to stop. I think I hallucinated that.
Corinthaus: Sonny says that Olivia should have told him the truth. She says this was hardly a casual decision. He bellows that he never got to be with his kid as he grew up, be close to him, play baseball. (oddly, he doesn't add "dive for my lover when someone tried to kill him" or "encourage him to kill people") Olivia cries that she was so in love with Sonny, but she knew he was bad for her son, and she thinks she made a damn good call. Sonny asks "for who? for you?" NO JACKASS, FOR DANTE, YOU SON. OMG. SHE'S SAYING SHE MADE A GOOD CALL FOR YOUR SON. But Sonny the Narcissist points out that it wasn't good for him, thus it wasn't good.
Rooftop: Dante stands on the roof. That's weird. He's neither pregnant nor slutty. I think this must be a mistake in editing. Jason shows up and Dante yammers about hospitals.
Victorian Port Charles: Liz sits in her laurachair. She says she regrets everything. Nik says he still loves her.
Lucky drives down the road, crying and speeding. totally sane. Maxie drives down the road and drives and texts. Apparently they are both doing this without their headlights on b/c suddenly they are shocked to see the other on the road, and they swerve.
the end
Because why shouldn't she also ignore Lil Homer and only care about this new baby?
WORD!
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Now this added layer that somehow Sonny is doing a noble thing irks me.
Stumpy just opening his mouth irks me.
Thanks for the recaps.
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Victorian Port Charles: Liz cries that Helena was right. Lucky speaks to Liz like she's standing on a ledge, with a noose around her neck, a gun in her mouth, and a razor blade at her wrist.
hee hee you rock Mad!
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I laughed so hard at this I almost had an asthma attack! PRICELESS
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I'm glad someone can make this lame-ass show sound good!! Thanks for the giggles....
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Stupid effing show.
Right on! Your caps are way better than watching.
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He bellows that he never got to be with his kid as he grew up, be close to him, play baseball. (oddly, he doesn't add "dive for my lover when someone tried to kill him" or "encourage him to kill people")
I started chuckling when I read that, but then it turned into a full-blown laugh out loud when I read:
and she thinks she made a damn good call. Sonny asks "for who? for you?" NO JACKASS, FOR DANTE, YOU SON. OMG. SHE'S SAYING SHE MADE A GOOD CALL FOR YOUR SON.
Reading these recaps is a much better alternative to actually watching the show.
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