MADCAPRECAPS.COM

Days 1/26: Peerless

Madcaps — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 19:45:50 GMT

oly Crap! Jack Devereaux as I live and breathe. I'm so glad the actors on this show are smart enough to hang around where their bread is buttered.

Outdoor Living Room Mall: Marlena summoned Jack. Oh, right, she's a psychiatrist. Why did I forget that? She was totally trying to shrink Will yesterday. I thought she was just being a nice grandmother. I guess you can be both. Marlena wants Jack to join her for a group session of some soldiers coping with PTSD. Jack isn't up for this.

Madison gives Abigail her first internship assignment. It doesn't involve getting coffee or filing. I guess I shouldn't be annoyed b/c at least Abigail is doing an internship before she's named head of Titan. Madison has many plans.

holy shit! It's John Black. He and Brady are still running Basic Black. I am totally in love with the fact that Brady just said Twitter and not "Tweeter" or "Birdsong" account. John wants to use old timey passenger pigeons and stone tablets to communicate with the ladies who like his label. Brady and his weird pink lips thinks they need to go online and at least get a damn Twitter account already. (also, love that this show doesn't mind using the actual names of things and not call it "Tweetie" or "Youclick" or "Facespace" hate that. But I'll never stop loving Mr. Hogestyn's bizarre faces. Hi, Drake!

music, hourglass, sand

British guy and Abigail's BFF chat about how Abigail hates her b/c she smooched the boy Abigail likes. ( I know about this b/c of promos I've seen). Oh, her name is Melanie. No offense, Abigail, but ifyou are going to have a best friend this cute, you're gonna have to deal with your boyfriends falling in love with her.

British Guy leaves Melanie and runs into Abigail and Madison, and he sends Abigail to run into Melanie.

Jack points out that soldiers purposefully put themselves in danger to defend their country, and he's a mess b/c he went their looking for a story to tell. Well, fair enough, but you still deserve treatment for a debillitating disorder, Jack. Luckily for him, Marlena is like a dog with a bone and always gets her man (assuming she's not possessed at the time.)

John wants to reassert who they are and look stable. Brady thinks innovation is more important. They butt heads a bit more, and Brady says that they can't come up with an ad campaign, or anything else, until they decide they want to work together. John: One arched eyebrow, one stink eye, one dubious lip twitch, and a slow step backwards. He's peerless, I tell you.

commercials

Abigail walks in to find Melanie, who is totally cute about it.

John says he wants to consider Brady's ideas later, but Brady says that's a deal breaker.

British Guy is named Quinn. Abigail asks if Melanie knew Quinn set up their running into each other. Mel says she's sorry Quinn did that. Abigail says she's probably the last person Melanie wants to see. it clearly means the world that Abigail is even speaking to her, and Melanie adorably shakes her head saying she didn't say that. Abigail apologizes. Mel chuckles and says she should stop apologizing. The music is sweet about it.

Madison makes fun of Quinn's shelf with Count Wilhelmina products at his spa. (Count W being Kate's middle aged product company). She wants to help him expand his small spa and make it national by using her sexy, 20something Mad World products. (unless it's in Genoa City. those bitches are not looking for any competition)

Marlena thinks Jack is brave to consider getting help. She tells him that the soldiers at the meeting are getting through what they've been through by helping each other survive. Jack wants to be there for Abigail and someone called Gigi. Jack and Marlena enter the saddest room of four dejected looking soldiers.

Commercials

John and Brady fight,a nd John gets personal and calls Brady a joke, and then laughs that he's being one too.

Group meeting: Leslie introduces herself, she has a service dog. Mike introduces himself (firm, almost aggressive hand shake, grits through his teeth that he served 3 tours in Afghanistan), Paco gets up (dressed in fatigues, barely makes eye contact when he quickly shakes hands, clearly a sweet kid, sits down quickly), and Robert (sits in a lump, dressed in flannel, barely looks up at Jack.) Mike asks if Marlena is going to sit. Leslie says someone named Beth will be here soon. (um, lemme guess, looks a little like Jennifer and falls in love with Jack?) Jack admits he's just a journalist. Mike says that he doesn't dig journalists b/c 9 out of 10 they got it wrong. Mike slumps in his chair "guess you just had to be there." Marlena gently points out that Jack was there and asks him to share his story. Jack starts that he was in Kandehar (forgive the spelling if I forget to spell check later), working on a story on the drug trade. He laughs at himself and stands up to leave. Leslie asks how long he was there. He says he was there for a year. She asks "on one story?" Jack says he was kidnapped. He was in a cave. He says what Paco said earlier rings true. He doesn't feel like he's home. He feels like he's still in that cave. Mike (the tough guy), works his jaw and moves uncomfortably in his chair. His tone is softer this time, and he reminds Jack that he doesn't like to talk to people who are standing over him. Whoever cast Leslie did a great job b/c she seems credible as a soldier (hell, for all I know she is), but she has this welcoming glow about her, while also seeming damaged. She asks Jack to please sit with them.

what a weird idea for a storyline: to tell the story of soldiers. on GH they always just make soldiers out to be murderers.

Commercials:

Brady jokes that John was being stubborn, but he, Brady was being right. They agree to crunch the numbers with both their ad campaign ideas and come up with a compromise.

Melanie congratulates Abigail on her internship. Quinn and Madison saunter in, and he's pleased the girls haven't killed each other. Melanie is surprised Madison and Quinn know each other. Madison wants Abigail and Melanie to be the faces of the new line. Madison says Kate is using local talent, but Madison thinks boy/girl ads are so last week. (Melanie and Abigail make awkward jokes about this.) Quinn nudges that Ab/Mel are on the outs. Mad says she doesn't need either of them if they are. Now see, this is getting a bit Friar Laurence to me. Why is this woman so invested in the friendship of two virtual strangers? (other than clearly Stefano or someone like him is pulling her strings.)

Group Meeting: Everyone is standing, and Leslie urges them to sit. Marlena asks Leslie to share. She says after all these years, she still only remembers the sound of gunfire, and the warm and wonderful people of Bosnia. Oh, I just now realized that Leslie is blind and missing a leg. Jack murmurs that she's remarkable to still have anything nice to say. Leslie says the people she worked with lost their homes and families, and they lost hope. Paco says that the work people like Leslie did in Bosnia to bring peace is what inspired him to enlist. Leslie is touched. Marlena asks Paco to tell his story, but Paco clams up. or rather, Mike jumps in and proudly says Paco has a purple heart and watched his best friend die b/c of a roadside bomb. Mike tells us that Paco lost his best friend to a roadside mine. Jack asks how Mike can want to go back. Paco says Rob did (Rob is the withdrawn guy in flannel.) Rob bitterly says he has a blood clot now, so he can't do his full 20 years and was medically retired. Paco says he feels like he's letting down the guys who are still there. Jack says it's over though, now, he's done. paco disagrees. He says most nights he wakes in a sweat, with the faces of his unit in his mind. His wife wants to talk about it. He shrugs and says they'll both have to live with it. Jack asks how old Paco is. Paco answers' 20. It sounds so short, not to have at least a one or a four after it. just 2 syllables. Twenty, sir. Jack is incredulous and says his daughter is that age. Jack says he's just a kid. Paco politely but sternly says "I'm not a kid, sir. Not anymore"

Just then Pat walks in. She's gorgeous and very non-Jen-like. Marlena says Pat is a Marine and has three accommodations for bravery and pulled the wounded to safety. Pat interrupts and sheepishly says "isn't that what we were supposed to do?" Marlena asks Jack to tell his story. Mike, puts his hands behind his head and smiles gorgeously and points out that Pat won't talk about herself, but she's great at listening.

commercials

Brady and John reach a compromise.

Abigail sassily wonders if she can work with Melanie.

Leslie is awesome and amazing all over the place and explains that she felt disfigured when she came home, and learned she had to mourn her leg and her vision. It took her a long time to appreciate what she still does have. She jokes that she is still in therapy, afterall. She says she made a choice not to be a victim, and she was able to do that by finding joy in the little things: being able to walk in heels again even after she fell down a lot, shaving 20 seconds off her 5k, even if was nothing compared to what she did in basic training in her 20's. (Jack laughs that her current time is way better than his). Leslie says she still has her voice and her spirit, and she can reach out and inspire others. Marlena says she has.

pat says she thinks she's doing fine, but then her 3 year old asks her what's wrong. he can see something in her eyes, and she doesn't want him to. She says he's the one who kept her going. She hugs herself with her smile about her little boy and calls him her everything.

Mike says they talk in here, but at home or in a bar, he can't say anything. "It's like I'm not me. Like I'm just walking through my life, and no one buy you guys knows what I've seen, what I'm thinking."

Paco cries that it was good for his friend's mom to know he was holding him when he died. "That I could tell her that his last words were 'tell my mom I love her.' He was my big brother, and he could really make me laugh. I haven't last since that day, and sometimes I don't think I ever will again."

geeze, show. I forgot that soaps sometimes make me cry.

Commercials

Madison tries to sell Abigail and Melanie on making up. (just neither of you drink any magic potions or fake a suicide if Madison suggests it.)

Madison also makes another play to Quinn to sell her products instead of Kate's.

Abigail is surprised that Melanie's dad left town. Melanie sits and swings her legs and tries not to cry. Abigail stammers and says she was going to say she wished Melanie had called, but of course Mel wouldn't b/c of the things Abigail said. Mel says that it wasn't what Abigail said, it was that she didn't believe her when she said that Abigails' friendship meant more to her than any guy. Abigail says she does believe that. Abigail says that's it's clear that Melanie has feelings for Chad still, so they still have a problem. Melanie cries and I guess that's fair, since from the promos, Melanie did kiss Chad, and let's be honest, unless Melanie is gay for Abby, she's going to still want to be with Chad. But also, we all are going to WANT things in our lives, we may even share a smooch with that thing, but that doesn't mean we can't actually be remorseful and realize that we had what we wanted all along. Best friends are so intense at Abby and Mel's age. It's like a love affair in some ways. and frankly, Abigail seems like a prissy bore and also, Abby has already moved onto Austin, so why does she care what Chad does? Not that Melanie ever gets to date Chad and be Abigail's friend. those are the rules. or I mean, she needs to not date him unless she's going to marry him forever and ever. Woody Allen did the grossest thing ever by marrying his step daughter, but he at least has had the decency to remain with this woman for the past 20 years. All I'm saying is Melanie has to ask herself if she's really in a 20+ year commitment with Abigail. If she is, she needs to never see Chad again. If she's not, then date him and break up with Abigail and hope that you don't regret it in a few months when he dumps you for someone else. because Chad? is a dog that he would go after the best friend of the girl he was dating. A good man respects the friendship between best friends and at least figures out a way to not make a move until Abigail was already involved with someone else. just saying Melanie.

group therapy: Marlena encourages Jack to speak. He says after everything everyone has said, what can he add. Mike says it's not that small a club. He points out that there are thousands in every city 'in hospitals, on the streets' Paco says those people are going through the same things they all went through, in cities most people have never heard of. Jack takes some deep breaths, and laughs that he'll never feel sorry for himself again. Paco isn't afraid to help Jack. He asks what it was like in that cave for a year. Jack looks around the room and pleads to them with his eyes. Leslie gloriously promises that telling them what happened isn't feeling sorry for himself. She asks him what happened. Jack gulps in some breaths and said time was weird. “I knew it was important if what day it was. I scratched it in a rock. I couldn't see it. I just thought if I just could remember what day it was. It's stupid.” Mike tells him nothing that got him through it was stupid. Jack flashes back to being tortured with a car battery. Jack said he kept telling himself he'd go home. One day they killed his friend. He could hear his screams. “I didn't want to know there would be people in the world who could do that.” Pat cries, Mike twitches, Rob stares and disassociates himself from reality) Jack continues “And now those people, and that world are more real to me than any of this. It's like I said, I'm sill back in that cave.” Paco puts a hand on Jack's shoulder. Jack cringes and then cry-laughs at himself for so doing.

Commercials

Jack says when he got back, he made it, he will pick up where he left off and will go for it. He says it didn't work out that way. He says he managed to scare the hell out of his wife, his ex wife, and he kept freaking out. It wasn't the people back there, it wasn't that the world had moved on without him, it was that he couldn't. “I couldn't. Because I have a huge part of myself that's back there, back halfway around the world and it can't leave.” He sobs and says he wants to be a good dad to his kids. “I want to be a man whose wife wants to be with him. I want to be whole again.” Jack cries,a nd Marlena thanks him. She ends their time for the day She leaves with them words from a WWII. “for those that were there, no explanation is necessary. For those that weren't, no explanation will work.”

Jack stands to leave, and Paco stnads and hugs him. Mike gives him a gentler handshake and a man hug. Rob hugs Jack. Pat wraps her arms around him. Leslie whispers her thanks for sharing, and hugs him. He thanks her for having him. She whispers she'll see him again. Marlena smiles approvingly at Jack. They hug and he makes choking, audible noises. She whispers in his ear that he did good.

Ending tag:

Days of Lives would like to express its heartfelt gratitude to all who have served in the United States Military, past and present and their families, for sacrificing so much on behalf of the rest of us.

Days 1/25: Cariclaudison

Madcaps — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 19:16:26 GMT

Kate has giant, poofy hair and a ridiculous blue streak from her left temple. She's still oblivious to Sammi's spying and introduces a stylist who wears a douchechill scarf.

Carrie and Austin make plans to have their date at the new Indian restaurant. She leaves, and Abigail shows up, who is someone's daughter. Jack and Jen's maybe? either way, I totally called it that Austin is up to no good with a co-ed, and they decide to have coffee.

Marlena and Will chat. He doesn't want to hear about stuff his mom is doing, and she says she loves talking to him, and whatever he does, as long as it doesn't hurt him, she's all for it.

Victor and Maggie are together? She is making him oatmeal muffins? weird. whatever. Some young man shows up to talk about leaving Titan. I'm sure he was 4 the last time I watched, so I'll just have to figure out who he is now.

CarlyClaudia lives here now? She's on the phone with someone dicussing Titan.

Rafe comes home and is surprised Sammi is still there. She's surprised he came back. He forgot his phone. She doesn't like the way they left things. He doesn't like that she and Madison are doing corporate espionage against Kate. He asks her not to mess with the DiMera's. She wants to find a way to make things right between them. oh,,,, carlyclaudia must be Madison, as in Mad World? That makes sense.

sweeping flourish of music, hour glass, sand

Sammi argues that they need the paycheck, and she loves working with Madison. He's miffed that she kept a secret. She apologizes for not being perfect like him, and doesn't save the world. "I'm a little more grounded, taking care of my kids, finding a way to pay the mortgage." She doesn't want to grovel to EJ and Lucas for child support. He asks her to leave her job if she wants to make it right. She won't do that. He poutily says they'll have to agree to disagree. She wants him to understand. He scoffs that he doesn't.

Will is pleased to not have to defend working for EJ. Marlena laughs, and says he'll have to trust himself. She knows who he is inside. He has to respect himself to be happy inside and believe in his integrity.

Ah, young man hanging out with Victor and Maggie is a Brady recast, and he's dating Madison. that's weird, since according to Robert Guza, she's old enough to have a 31 year old son. Victor wants Madison to work for Titan. Madison has made her decision.

Commercials

Madison flatters Victor and Brady by lauding all they've done to make Titan so powerful. She's appreciates the offer, but she turns it down.

Will says he has reasons to work for EJ and to be angry with Sammi. Marlena says she wasn't talking about this. Some kid called Sully stops by. He's gotten some new job and wants Will's help in designing a logo. Will looks at the paperwork but says he's busy today. Will pulls Sully aside and says he's busy with the mayor's campaign, and he's going to be too busy basically forever. Sully wonders if Will doesn't like his friends. Will insists that's not it. Marlena's wheels are turning, and she's concerned.

Brady and Victor pout about Madison's answer.

Photo shoot: Two of the models chat about their model job. He thinks Will is a jerk for letting her get away. Sammi shows up and thinks Young Models look great. Kate congratulates Sammi for fidning the best people. photo shoot ensues.

Carrie is elated b/c she's landed a new client. Rafe comes in still pouting. She says she's going to make his day. (in bed)

commercials

Marlena tries to read lips while Will continues to tell Sully he doesn't have time to hang out with him and his friends. oh, are they dating? also, I think his name is Sonny, not Sully.

Austin apologizes for having to cancel their dinner the previous night. She shrugs b/c his wife was free afterall. He cries in his coffee that she wasn't free. She tells him to call her next time he ends up being free.

Carrie has found information that will clear a fireman who was suspected of wrongdoing. something like that. It's all very Save the Worldy and noble, is the point, and deepens Rafe's funk. but Carrie's beautiful smile causes him to say nothing is wrong.

photo shoot continues.

Brady asks Madison if she's sure. Victor pouts, and Maggie comforts him. Maggie says that Madison is always welcome here, regardless of her decision. Madison thanks Victor again, but he's got to get busy finding a new CEO for Titan. Madison feels uncomfortable and wants to leave. Brady wants to know what's really going on.

commercials

Abigail left a message for Austin about some good news. He's all creepy old man "cool, cool, what's up." She's elated that she got an internship at Mad World. He hugs her and offers her brunch at Chez Rouge. She says it's only open for dinner, and she's happy with just a muffin. She has a giant crush on him. He goes to get her muffin. I mean, get a muffin for her.

They decide to visit the DA to get more info. She puts on her coat, and he helps her, and then they have eye sex before leaving.

photo shoot ends with the models scantily clad and sprayed with gel and water. Kate and Sammi offer a cacophony of praise. Kate is pleased with her choice to take a leap of faith and hire Sammi away from Madison. Sammi seems to love working with Kate. Why is she betraying her, then? oh, right, because she's Sammi

Brady doesn't get why Madison would use a mole to get bits and pieces from Kate, but she turns down a chance to run the whole tamale. She trusts her business instincts, and her decision is final. She tells him his support means everything to her, and they kiss. She holds him like she's going to lose him.

commercials

Marlena tries to get info about why Will won't work with Sonny. Marlena doesn't like the idea of Will not having time for his friends. He wants to drop it, but she won't.

Abigail worries she's been a sourpuss lately b/c of a break up. he stops her and says he loves spending time with her. "I love spending time with you, too, Austin." trubble.

Carrie and Rafe are already back from the meep moop parts of their business. They fight crime? solve crimes? are they PI's? whatever, they are totally going to do it, so the exposition is irrelevant.

What is this outdoor location with the indoor sofas and fireplaces? It's very nice, but not practical if it rains. or gets cold.

Madison calls Sammi for a scoop. Sammi tells Madison that Chad and Gabby are surprisingly perfect models and did way better than she thought they would. Oh, so Sammi's super secret spy plan was to hire two gorgeous teenagers and then just hope they weren't photogenic? Wow, that's pretty week, Samster. Madison is pissed b/c Sammi's job was to delay Kate's line until Mad World could launch theirs. Sammi doesn't know what to do b/c the photo shoot is over, and the phots are amazing. Also, it's not like Sammi did anything during the photo shoot to sabatage it. Sammi totally sucks as a sabateur, y'all. Kate walks in and asks what's going on.

commercials

Sammi lies that she was letting a stylist know they didn't need more clothes b/c the photo shoot is over. Kate lauds Sammi some more for a job well done and thinks Madison will hate how well it went.

Victor steams over Madison's refusal. She had seemed so excited about the prospect, and he can't figure out why the 180.

Brady continues to ask Madison what she's not telling him. She's doing a terrible job of hiding that she thinks the world just ended. I think Madison may not be all that bright.

Marlena tells Will that if she sees him suffering or in pain, she wants to help. His eyes fill with tears, and he tells her that he's neither. She thinks he needs someone who he can trust and who loves him. He thanks her, but he scurries away, past that Chad and Gabby from the photo shoot.

Sammi calls Rafe and asks if he's still mad. He says he hasn't changed his position, but he's waiting for an important phone call. He cuts her short. Carrie asks if he's fighting with Sammi. Then he gets a call that arson charges were dropped against our hero. World: Saved! Carrie and Rafe hug, and then make sweet, sweet eye sex.

commercials

Will sadly walks into Outdoor Living Room Area and looks at the plans that Sonny gave him. He's very sad about them. So he's either in love with Sonny, or he can't read. The former is certainly more interesting than the latter.

Maggie tells Victor she thinks Madison made her decision for personal reasons. She thinks Madison is ready to quit working and hang out with a boy all the time. She thinks it's baby making, wife being time for Madison. Oh, Maggie, you're so cute.

Madison says all that's going on is she cares about Brady. Brady says she ticked off Victor, but he's behind her no matter what. They agree to meet later. Brady leaves, and Madison puts on that sucked in , backed against the wall face. Madison calls someone and says she turned down Victor's job offer like she was asked, and it wasn't easy b/c it was a great opportunity. She says she's trusting Whoever.

Sammi considers deleting the photo shoot proofs, but Kate shows up and whisks her away to do more work.

Carrie and Rafe pull away, and he leaves, and she wonders why she's stuck married to an old perve with a busted face instead of Luis...er,...Rafe.

the end

YnR 1/25: I care about your wife.

Madcaps — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 18:29:07 GMT

Paul still can't find Myrna.

A tale of two cells

Most of the action takes place in two different jail cells where the men and women who killed Diane are held separately while Spencer watches. Various family members show up at the GCPD to figure out why their people have been in lock up so long. Also, Avery is beginning to think Sharon is a joke. Avery makes a deal with Ricki to keep Phyllis in the jail cell the longest, in exchange for a scoop.

Ladies Cell: Phyllis fishes for a story, but Abby, Ashley and Victoria call her on her b.s. immediately and then mock the terrible, trashy stories that Phyllis is writing in her head. It's cute, and Phyllis gamely laughs at how predictable she is. Nikki points out that the pillow person is very methodical and insidious, and they have to figure out who they are overlooking. I like that Nikki loathes Sharon, but can be civil and even encouraging to Phyllis. Nothing interesting is revealed, other than Abby remembers waking up covered in mud, which will probably be a tie in to Patty, b/c at some point, there has to be one. When Abby and Victoria are gone, Ashley and Phyllis are sympathetic to Nikki for having to deal with all of Victor's nonsense and endless marriages all the time. Nikki is resolute that it's no big deal. Later still, alone with Phyllis, Nikki thanks Phyllis for her continued discretion. Phyllis hates being discreet, but she must genuinely like Nikki.

Adam coolly points out that he was implicated with the stupid pillows and the diary, so they are all foolish to think he's not a victim too. Victor loses his cool and calls Adam scum, saying Adam is responsible for Diane's death by plotting to frame Victor for murder. Adam points out that everyone in the room slept with Diane and treated her like crap, and only he ever treated Diane like a human being. Spencer sends in Deacon, who reveals Diane's pillow talk about how Adam threatened her with prison for her SEC dealings if she didn't help him frame Victor for her fake murder. Victor insists that Adam is a liar and doesn't care about anything or anyone. Adam looks him dead in the eye and quietly says "I care about your wife." heh. Nick lunges at Adam, but Jack stops him.

Later Jack asks who won Beauty of Nature. Victor enjoys this b/c he hates Jack only a little bit less than his son, so he asks Adam to tell them who won. Adam says it wasn't Jabot. Adam gets called for his arraignment, leaving Jack to mutter "who beat me, who the hell beat me."

Genevieve makes a call begging her people to stall the announcement that she owns Beauty of Nature, so that she can prepare Jack. oy.

Ricki has a lot of his mother in him. He glowers and pouts all over the place, trying to get a scoop for that trashy magazine, and also steals his dad's keys so he can steal evidence.

Paul is still trying to find Myrna and hasn't bothered to hack into her computer yet.

Patty hides in that dopey greenhouse again and somehow doesn't freeze to death. unfortunately. (I have nothing against the actress who really gives it her all to be bat shit crazy all the time, but I don't care that she's crazy. actually, I think it's sad that she's crazy, and I wish she could get medical treatment. and quit creating nonsensical plots all over the place)

Dramatic moment, Nikki is released and sees Victor, but he leaves with Sharon.

Avery chides Phyllis that her few hours in the jail cell is nothing compared to what their dad went through.

Deacon runs into Abby and tells her he knows about the dirt she's trying to hide.

Ronan and Spencer are stumped. They still don't know who's messing with them. Maybe it's the crazy lady running around town with lace stapled to her face?

Paul and Ricki share coffee, and then Ricki gloats to himself. that he got a flashdrive of info from Myrna's computer.

Paul looks at Myrna's computer and is astonished by what he sees.

Patty makes a stupid wreath of dirt and squirrel bones and fantasizes about marrying Jack. But even she can smell the crazy, and she cries and rips up the headdress. She swears there will be no happy ending for Jack or Gen.

the end

Days 1/24: What's up, Doc?

Madcaps — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 17:36:21 GMT

For fun, I'm going to give Days a shot for my pal Doc.

Speaking of whom, is Marlena still around? I certainly hope Drake Hogestyn is, and that he makes ridiculous faces. Is Sammi still bad?

Let's see.

Bo brings Hope the target she used at the shooting range earlier. Hope's got a helluva shot. She wonders if she's lost her nerve. Doug and Julie walk up at this point. Dang, Susan Seaforth Hayes does not age. Ah, Hope is concerned about some shennannigans with Stefano. I find that comforting.

Carrie still lives here! the first one. She has some boyfriend/husband with great abs and a kind of busted face. Is that Austin? or one of the Austin's? Is that someone else entirely? She calls him professor. Is he her professor, or are they into Gilligan's Island kink?

Sammi is still gorgeous. She looks adorable with a semi-60's do. She and her handsome boyfriend/husband (who I recognize as someone from Passions). make cute jokes about his eating the last pastry. Sammi has been working for Kate after she left some business called Mad World. No idea what the company sells (though my money is on perfume or fashion b/c it doesn't sound like a newspaper). Sammi glows proudly that she's been spying on Kate and reporting it back to her former boss. Mr. Sammi is displeased.

There's that guy EJ, who I don't really know, but I know he's the troublemaker guy. He's running for mayor against Abe. Also, he's Lexie's brother? Is Lexie still a giant pain in the ass? and married to Abe?

Jen and Abe gossip that EJ is trying to get the debate questions in advance. but Jen is all fiesty and ridiculous as ever and determined to win. Jen knows that EJ is getting the debate questions in advance. Abe smirks that EJ has to cheat to win. Jen fiests that she can fight fire with fire, and what not.

Sammi doesn't understand why Mr. Sammi isn't enthused about her spying. Mr. Sammi says they renewed their vows and promised to be honest, and she's already mucked that up. This isn't a Lucas recast, I hope. I would not approve of such things.

Doug, Julie and Bo try to cheer Hope up, that she's still brave and the heroine. There is some sort of box that connects Stefano and Alice. I love that this show loves its vets so much, that even when they die, they still get major storylines. xoxo

She loves and trusts Abe and Theo, not EJ. I seem to recall something nutty going on with Theo last time I watched. She says EJ can never be the kind of man Abe is. EJ is vewy, vewy sad that his sister doesn't believe in him. Oh, EJ is a DiMera, and so is Lexi. I forgot about her surprise paternity. Lexi clearly made a deal with the devil b/c she may actually look younger than she did the last time I watched. black don't crack, y'all!

Jen has reporter friend (who I assume is Jack? is he still around?) who can get the questions in advance too. Abe's mustache does not approve, so apparently he walks around being better than everyone all the time. boring! Let's go back to Sammi. or Kate. I'm glad to have heard her name.

Abe doesn't want to cheat, just be aggressive. Jen warns that EJ will stop at nothing. Abe concedes they can't just tattle on EJ b/c EJ will cover it up. Abe doesn't want a DiMera to destroy his beloved town, so he asks Jen to get the questions. Abe insists that Lexi can never know. Yes, b/c Abe and Lexi keeping secrets always works well. Also, show can you broadcast more obviously that Lexi is lauding Abe for being honest, and EJ for being a bad guy.

oh, shush. Nevermind, yes, the show can make it more obvious by having Lexi cry to EJ that he made her choose between him and Abe by relentlessly crossing the line with Abe.

Some kid stops by one of the mansions and leaves an envelope with the name DiMera on it. Some old blond lady stops him. Eesh, I think that's Nicole. Time has not been gentle. Nicole knows that Will broke into Abe's computer to steal his job's plan. She insists that he check in with her whenever anyone gives him an assignment. He clarifies she wants him to be her spy. She smacks his cheeks and says she always knew he was a smart cookie back when she was his stepmother.

Carrie and this creepy old dude chat. He misses her. She calls him Austin, so I'll take her word for it that that's who he is. Also she's an attorney? and defended John? I was hoping there'd be a murder trial going on, but I missed it. Austin wants to make a date, and put it on their phones, so it's official.

Sammi and Mr. Sammi fight about how Sammie was spying on Kate, and Sammi points out that Kate is the Worst. He asks if that makes it okay, and sputters that yes, it kind of does. Mr. Sammi says that the spying sounds more like EJ than Sammi. Oh, so no way this is Lucas, b/c Lucas certainly knows that Sammi is capable of anything.

Doug, Julie and Bo gossip that Stefano is succeeding in throwing Hope off balance, but they believe Hope will prevail and solve the mystery.

Austin and Carrie have trouble finding a day to date. He has faculty stuff, and she has meetings with potential clients with someone called Rafe. He suggests that she be the one not care about her career instead of him. She doesn't like this at all, and he whines that it shouldn't be this difficult. Nope, as long as Carrie does all the sacrificing, and your life doesn't change at all, it shouldn't be. other than then she'll resent you and totally do it with whoever this Rafe person is on her desk. (just assuming he's very handsome and ends up shirtless for no reason all the time. People still do that in Salem, right?)

Sammi tells Mr. Sammi how hurtful it is to be compared to EJ. He says he doesn't intend to be mean, but he worries that she's excelling at betraying someone. She tells him he can dislike her choices, but he doesn't get to condescend to her. She's only doing what her boss has told her to do. he thinks she's justifying her actions. He brings up little Johnny lying about candy the other night. He says Sammi told them lying is always wrong and asks how she'd explain her spying to her kids. She laughs. Did this guy ever meet her before he married her?

Nicole shows Will a figure she transferred into his account, and that he'll get more if she can count on him to spy for her. Will is tempted. EJ comes home.

Jen is the same amount of whining that she's always been. Abe likes how deviousness tastes, and he doesn't just want an even playing field. He wants an advantage over EJ and for EJ to have the wrong questions. Jen still says people's names in every single sentence, and sometimes twice in a sentence, I see. She asks if Abe is sure about this, and Abe is totally in love with it.

EJ comes home, and Will and Nicole conspire with their eyes.

Doug and Julie are going to Africa to solve the Case of the Mysterious Money.

Sammi picks up toys and papers and laughs at Raph's comparison to lying about candy bars and running her business. She says he used to love that she was crazy. He says he's never stopped loving that Sammi. She cries and is so upset she puts a handful of toys and newspapers and plates into the sink and starts sorting them to do the dishes. terrible way to chip the plates, Sammi!Ah, so this guy must the Raph that Carrie is in business with. Well, that's obviously a terrible idea for Carrie and Sammi's hot husband to have to work a lot of late nights when they are in troubled marriages. Sammi cries that he's judging her when she's working hard to help support the family while he starts a new business. Raph reminds Sammi they just had to teach one of their children about lying, and that she's setting a bad example. Has this man ever met her before today?

Commercials

Sammi keeps moving plates around oddly. Mr. Sammi says he's worried about the consequences Sammi will face and that her actions aren't legal. She reminds him he just scoffed that she only works in cosmetics, not anything important. She insists she has an exit strategy. Mr. Sammi scoffs and says it won't be that easy to quit b/c Sammi took a job, and the "team comes first." Sammi tersely asks if this new motto of his means that Carrie comes first. Rafe is very naive and says she's got to be kidding to imply that Carrie comes first. She answers with one of my favorite words: "nope" hee, I love you Sammi Brady!

(Ohhhhh, so Mr. Sammi is the guy who Carrie is spending every waking hour with? and her marriage is on the rocks? and Rafe doesn't like that Sammi is devious? This can't possibly end well!)

Carrie and Austin bicker. She wants to find time alone to be with him. He reminds her that she stood him up twice the night before. Also, he made mysterious other plans, that I can only assume involved getting a drink with a coed, but fair enough, she was also working late with a handsome cop. brown chicken brown cow. He says when they were in school, they always found time for each other, and he's concerned that they don't anymore.

Hope thanks Julie for going to Africa. in a mink. She confides in her mom that she's worried what she'll find. Julie says Alice was incorruptable. Doug says that Stefano is just sewing doubt b/c he's all evil and stuff. Julie and Doug leave to shop and pack. Hope feels ready to fight with Stefano.

Jen says her contact can give them the questions, but he won't feed EJ the wrong ones b/c blah blah can't cross a DiMera. Abe says the fallout would be troubling if anyone found out. Lexi has been rudely listening at the door and asks "what fallout"

Nicole leaves Will and EJ to chat. EJ asks Will if there's any news. Apparently Will and EJ knew that Nicole would try to bribe Will. EJ is impressed that Nicole used paypal (or fundfriend, as they probably call it on tv) instead of just handing Will a bag with a "$" on it. Will says it was exciting being bribed. EJ rumples his hair. You never forget your first bribe!

Abe lies that he and Jen were discussing the fallout from losing the debate. Lexi continues her mission to make it very clear that she loves Abe b/c he's honest, and that EJ is not. She's certain that the debate audience will be able to see the difference between the two men "one is an incurable liar, and one is the best man I ever met." Jen furrows her brow. I think Abe would too, had he not paralized his brow.

Will asks how EJ knew what Nicole was going to ask him to report to her. EJ haughtily says that the only trick is to realize what a woman wants, then predicting their behavior is easy. Also, Nicole only ever does three things: bribe people, sleep with people, and bribe people to sleep with people. So, EJ, it wasn't like it took a masters degree to guess. EJ is touched by the amount of Nicole's bribe b/c it must mean she really cares. He laughs that it's dysfunctional but he loves her for it.

Carrie and Professor find a date when they are free. He seems to have canceled one of his meetings to make it happen. So I take back being grumpy that he expects only her to sacrifice.

Raph insists Carrie doesn't come first. He says he thought she understood that this job with Carrie is the closest thing to being a cop he can be right now. He says he took the job not to hurt her, but to put food on the table. She cries that the same goes for her. He sadly says she doesn't see a difference. She cries in frustration that she doesn't see a difference. He takes his coat to leave, and she asks if he's not going to say good bye. He politely says good bye and leaves. She cries at the door.

GH 1/23: Interrupters Rule

Madcaps — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 20:12:30 GMT

I'm an interrupter. I hope you are too!

Nurse's Station: Memphis and Steve are annoying and aren't dead yet.

Robin and Patrick embrace. I do like watching the two of them try not to cry about what's really on their mind. Patrick breaks the silence and says she wasn't at a conference.

Sam and Jason wait for paternity results.

Jax and Kate gossip about sonny.

Sonny and Jason talk about family secrets.

credits

Memphis and Steve say stuff.

Emma's Cottage: Robin is annoyed that Liez tattled. Patrick sucks down tears and asks Robin to be honest. Robin has no good answer as to why she didn't just tell him. she was scared of losing what they had, they worked so hard to be happy. Patrick says everything did change, he's her husband, and she should be able to tell him. robin says Patrick would have been sad, like he is, and their daughter couldn't grow up in a stupid womb of unrealistic joy. Patrick cries and asks if she doesn't trust him. Robin admits she was in Seattle, not Africa. Patrick cries some more. (do I need to say by "cries" that I mean, actually sobs, with fluid falling out of his eyes, red nose, red cheeks, labored breath. no one ever does what Patrick is doing on this show anymore...so...Patrick cries) robin tells him there is reason to hope. He hugs the weird, rude, stranger before him.

Luke shows up for Tracy's wedding. (she's gorgeous in a white, silk suit with a gorgeous green camisole)

Sonny tells John that Anthony is not his father. It's Annakin Skywalker! John reads the birth certificate and realizes he was born in Kenya and can never be president. Gino Into The Night is John's father. John insists he was born in crimson point and disses Sonny for falsifying docs. Maurice Bernard is such a dreadful actor. there, I said it. what is wrong with this guy? Is is the writing?

commercials

Jason and Sam cry about her shoulderwomb.

Tracy stink eyes Luke for not stopping the ceremony and then stops it for its lack of decorum. they joke about Tracy's 9 weddings, give or take. Maxie has a gross chunk of lace for the old, new, borrrowed, blue schtick. Luke molests Tracy's misery. The Xylophone Guy takes over.

Kate and Jax talk about Sonny. and then they both catch bubonic plague and die. that was unexpected!

rooftop: Memphis and Steve go to the roof of GH. and jump off. man, this show is getting good. crapy, my dvr ran out of space, so now I have to wait for the next segment. all I know is Memphis and Steve are dead now. If you listen, you can still hear them scream "but we never got to tell you the boring story about our life in Memphiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis"

Robin says they can all be okay now. b/c of how she was so understanding when all he did was have sex with a pretty lady, and all she did was let him think she'd never loved him by leaving him. blah blah , she talks about how her stupid 16 year old experience was the only thing that's ever happened to her, and she didn't want him to have any experiences of her dying b/c that would be like cheating on Stone. Patrick tries to point out that he married her, and whatever they have is whatever "us" is. He holds her, and she finally sobs and says she's scared. He asks for no more secrets, other than to know if Lisa did this. Robin says there's no way to know. Patrick says this is his fault. Robin cries this isn't what she wants. Patrick reasonably says she can't control everything. Robin wants him to find someone else. Patrick says she can't pick Liz to sub in for her. They bicker about Robin went to Jason and not him.

Jason and Liez chat about his stage 4 soapdisease symptoms. (stupid soap, like Jason couldn't invent Stage 5 if he wanted. tsk)

so, yeah, the stupid, idiotic place the show went is that claudia is Johnny's son. and let's just go with that mathematically impossible plot point. so this means that Claud was raped by her dad and gave birth when she was 7. and still Sonny is being a shithead about it. and he's the hero of the show. or best case, it means Claud was raped by some other dude when she was 7, and still, Sonny is a shithead.

yep, I'm done.

call me when the new writers join.

xoxo

YnR: Let Sharon Eat Cake!

Madcaps — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 18:15:08 GMT

Nikki pulls away from the Stache and angrily asks if she's Victor's new girl-on-the-side now that he's married. Victor behaves in a way that I believe is supposed to be seductive and implies he can't wait to hit that. He says he's having the marriage annulled and wants to be with her. He squashes her skull with his hands and presses his face to hers. At least, that's how it feels to Nikki, based on her expression. Nikki isn't sure about getting a happy ever after when she's killed someone. She doesn't want to risk losing him again. But ya are, Blanch, ya are going to lose him at some point. But for now, you'll have him. It's how this works. She relents, and they have the sex. Victor assures her that Michael and Avery on are Team Free Nikki. She purrs that Victor can make stuff happen with his mind.

Phyllis brings Summer to visit her dad. Summer and Faith are both wearing purple, and for some reason this seems significant to Phyllis. Maybe she sees herself and Avery in the kids? Nick reveals the gross news that Sharon let him have Faith so she could have sex with Faith's grandfather. Nick makes a full on stink face about it, which is the only appropriate response. Summer sweetly picked out a kiddie movie that Faith will like, and Faith and Summer cheer for Phyllis to hang out with them and eat popcorn. Sweet girls. Phyllis hasn't slept with one of your boyfriends yet, so enjoy thinking of her as a maternal figure while you can! After the girls are asleep, Nick and Phyllis discuss that they like having sex with each other, and they also simply like hanging out with each other, but they also disagree about a lot of stuff and fight a lot, and that they use sex as a way to make the fighting tolerable but they don't ever actually resolve their differences. I'm paraphrasing, but that is the crux of their conversation. Nick wants to hang out fully clothed, but Phyllis knows that they will be naked soon.

Ashley stands around in Spanx and a gray dress and gossips about Adam's impending arrest. Abby is home from having her baby that no one ever mentioned.

Abby and Ashley sit around Gloworm, and Abby asks for an apology from Spencer. Oy, shut it, lohanita. Just enjoy your fabulous lifestyle and leave Fighting the Man to people who actually care about how the legal system treats Everyone, not just you personally.

Tucker and Michael worry that Adam hasn't sprung the trap yet. Some Men in Black stop by, and Michael interrupts them from getting lines and thus being paid and says they have to fix whatever went wrong, or Victor Be Angray.

Adam tries to figure out what to believe about Sharon. Um, she's crazier than you and incapable of making good decisions. What else do you need to know? Sometimes she's a blond. She will betray you the second you trust her. Adam asks why Sharon would help him. She says she's tired of all the lies and games. She whines that Victor helped her get custody of her daughter without even discussing it with her. So now, she's just going to show Victor who's boss and betray him, and then keep all the cool stuff she got from him, and fuck his son on his own desk, with a portrait of him watching. Because she's just so terribly sane and balanced. I think it was crappy of Nick to use Faith as a pawn, but I also get that it's a fair point that Sharon can't possibly be a good mother if she's going to cavort with a man who keeps trying to kill and frame and destroy everyone, including her, all the time. Like all. The. Time. Name 3 other things he's ever doing. Name one. I love the guy, but he's the worst. It's creepy that Victor wants blind loyalty, but also, what the hell else did she think Victor wanted? To see what all the fuss was about? Nope. Obviously he wanted something cruel. Obviously his favors come with a price. And stupid old Sharon believes that she can have her Faith and eat Adam too. And she should be able to, but she isn't willing to think anything through, or sacrifice anything, or not screw over someone. And watching her and Adam have stupid, rip your clothes off sex is just laughable. I mean, their faces, while they take off the 85 layers of winter clothing is funny. There's a press against the window moment. They look uncomfortable. Also, she grabs at his junk. Eesh.

At some point in their krav maga sex session, one of these idiots lit a fire. He thanks her that he's in the clear b/c she saved him, and he swears to protect her.

Jack struts around being confident that he's going to win Beauty of Nature. Genevieve makes ridiculous faces all over the place. Why is she trying to buy it out from under him? I can only assume that's what her problem is. Otherwise, she may be having a series of strokes. Cain thanks Jack for being good to his mom.

Lily loves Genevieve's ridiculous dress that's way to young for her. Gen has the class to laugh at herself for not wearing an old lady suit. Gen didn't get the princess experience the first time. Whatever, I was 312 when I got married, and I still wore a giant, white tulle and satin poof. Gen talks about her happiness with Jack and says weird things like “it's intense, but it's not vicious.” Lily awesomely furrows her brow at this. b/c wtf? Not being vicious is certainly important in a relationship, but how jacked up is a person to put it on their list? Here's a hint, ladies, “isn't vicious” should be on the list, but it should be so far down the list behind the actually good things about your betrothed that you don't think of mentioning it. I think this is a very good rule.

Lily and Cain end the day by toasting to 'starting over'

Jack and Genevieve end the day by opening a rather fidious little bowl that looks like half a copper clam? Jack reminds us all that he's totally, super a lot, wants nothing more than to be in love with her and own Beauty of Nature, and she swallows a goldfish.

Nick and Phyllis end the day by playing video games. She wins, and exhorts it in a orgasmy way.

Spencer ends the day by pointing out that Abby is a jackass, and that Diane's case isn't solved, and he can toy with her family all he wants.

Adam and Sharon end the night by getting an angry call from Tucker demanding to know what happened to their deal. In classic Adam fashion, Adam is all “I think you pocket dialed me, bro.” and hangs up. Sharon is worried about consequences. 78 point font of OY. Adam only wants her.

Victor and Nikki end the night by his getting out of bed to destroy someone's life, and Nikki being placated by a pat on the head.

Victor and Michael end the night by Michael storming into the house to tell Victor that Adam never contacted Tucker. Victor says Adam realized it was a set up and didn't buy. Michael says the sucky thing is that b/c the sting didn't happen, the bids were opened, so Beauty of Nature was sold to the highest bidder. Someone from FMN won the bid. Victor is irate b/c this is a shell corporation.

FMN guy calls Gen to tell her that she owns Beauty of Nature. She looks really surprised and worried about this thing that she put hundreds of millions of dollars into to place to make happen.

The end

YnR 1/20: Later on we'll conspire, as we dream by the fire

Madcaps — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 22:21:05 GMT

Check out the big brain on Sharon Collins Newman Abbott Newman Newman. She figures out that Victor is working with the SEC to Get Adam. Sharon is a mentally ill crazy person who married her ex husband(s)'s father, so she also feels kind of sad that Adam, the man who purposefully was going to let her spend 3 decades in prison, is going to get in trouble for breaking the law on big, fat purpose. She confronts Victor, but he patronizes her. When will dudes learn that this is rarely a good mood. It just alienates people and makes them more prone to making their stupid decisions in someone else's favor.

Ashley tell Gen that she and Tracy want to have a Girl's Only night before the wedding, which sounds much more reasonable than "bachelorette". Gen is touched and happy, but then she accidentally spills the beans that Tucker is putting in a bid for BON. Ashley calls Tucker and curtly demands he meet her at home.

Tucker tells Ashley that he made a deal with the SEC to protect him from his previous troubles, in exchange for setting up Adam. She's still miffed he didn't tell her, even though he promises he had to sign a confidentiality agreement. Then he tells her that the didn't do this just to take care of his SEC problems, but rather, he has always wanted revenge on Adam for that entire "Ashley Thinks She's Pregnant" nonsense that went on a few years ago. Apparently Tucker and Ashley met around the time she was having to surrender Faith to Nick and Sharon. She swoons a little that Tucker has gone to such lengths to slay her own personal boogeyman. Pretty sure Tucker is getting road head later. Ashley is worried Adam will go after Tucker. Tucker thinks Adam will never know. Ashley then reasonably points out that Jack is going to whine forever when he finds out that BON is not for sale. She hopes that marrying Genevieve will distract him.

Annoying Crazy Patty delivers some wedding presents and mail to Jack's Weird Old Timey House. She's dressed like a bee keeper, but it's still idiotic that he doesn't recognize her voice. She carefully placed one of Gen's bank statements from the Cayman Islands on top. Jack is shocked to find out how loaded Gen is and confronts her about. Gen points out that their relationship happened quickly, and they never discussed money, and she didn't think they had to disclose all financial dealings. Gen says she told him she doesn't need any money. Jack is worried about tax problems if this money came from Colin's mob dealings. She assures him she has good accountants and will let him know if there's an issue. They agree not to fight about money. Jack still thinks he's getting BON. Gen clearly made a bid on her own that will trump his. I can't figure out why she keeps making "I just swallowed a goldfish" faces.

Nikki tells Nick she's getting an annulment (he's is pleased) and that Sharon and Victor are not (he is displeased). Nikki says that Victor asked her to trust him, and "there was something in the way he said it." Nick scoffs, "really, mom?" It's funny that they all know Victor is a dragon vampire and can use his hypnotic powers to convince them to do stupid stuff. Nikki says she's knows it's predictable, but she is choosing to trust Victor's plan and asks Nick to do the same. Later Michael tells Nick that Victor is home. Nick says he got a text from Sharon that he can have Faith tonight, and he's more than a bit skeeved to think of Victor's homecoming night. Michael asks Nick to understand that Victor and Sharon's marriage is not what Nick thinks.

Nikki shows up at Victor's bidding and angrily says she'll remove her shampoo or whatever it is she left behind that is offending him. heh. Victor approaches her and asks for a welcome home. He takes her coat halfway off, and they kiss passionately.

Sharon warns Adam that Victor is, in fact, setting him up.

the end

Next time: Abby lambasts Spencer for everything he put her family through. Nick and Phyllis say they like being around each other, and Nick asks her to stay. Adam asks Sharon to stay, and then they apparently have stapler throwing sex.

GH 1/19: ....or are you just happy to see me?

Madcaps — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 20:16:08 GMT

Sonny tells Jason he was shot, but their mob doctor gave him antibiotics. Sonny wants to go after Johnny.

Michael visits Johnny and tells him Sonny was shot. Johnny either is surprised, or pretends to be. Johnny says Anthony has been missing for a few days, which is never a good thing.

Boat: Anthony brings Tracy a wedding dress. Today is the wedding day!

Luke's room: Luke reads yet another article about Tracy and Anthony's impending nuptuals. he calls Carly and asks for a room at All Blown Inn. She needs to have blackmail material for the Z's first. Then she plays with Jocelyn while Jax lurkspies through the window.

Credits

Loft: Loo sleeps while Dante brings fresh flowers for her continued job search. She complains that she keeps trying different things one time and isn't magically perfect at any of them. Then they do it.

Wyndermere: Ethan and Cassandra play tag in the tunnels. Then Ewan shows up, and she hides. He doesn't want Ethan to see Cassandra anymore.

Bullpen: TJ stole a car. Sean brings Alexis to help.

Kelly's: Mercedes takes Jocelyn to the zoo because Carly has important whining at people to do. Luke says he's still working on his end of the bargain, and then makes a phone call to someone and yells at them for taking so long.

Birds of Paradise: John asks where the shooting took place and says bullets and blood shouldn't be a part of Michael's life. It's true. He's always been a pillow and axe kind of guy. Johnny chastises Michael for being so emotional, and then gets further annoyed when he sees that Michael has a gun in his pocket.

Commercials

Bullpen: Alexis brokers a deal that Sean will promise to help TJ become a productive member of society, and Mac will give TJ a warning. Mac agrees and hopes Sean is a good role model. TJ is inappropriate to Alexis, and she tells him to knock it off b/c he's the kid, and she's the adult, and she knows 20 people more badass than he is. He asks who Sonny is and suddenly finds the town more interesting. oy.

Boat: Tracy continues to be trapped on a boat with Anthony.

Birds of paradise: John yells at Michael for having a gun and doing stupid stuff all the time. John stalls by saying he can help Michael, but can't meet with him again until the evening.

Jason's Penthouse: Jason warns that Anthony will be bona fide Super Crazier if Johnny isn't around to balance him out. Sonny's all "in one, out the other, guy, also, go kill Johnny. Jason says nope.

Commercials

Jason's Penthouse: Sonny asks if Jason has some sort of injury that prevents him from killing people. Jason says his left hand is weird. Sonny says Jason shoots with his right hand and Jason points out that he shoots with both hands. preferably in a church! Sonny insists that Johnny has to be the shooter, and Sonny's main evidence is that Sonny heard himself say it earlier, so it must be true. Jason keeps pointing out other options, and also that Johnny wouldn't have missed. Sonny is jellus that Jason keeps not killing Johnny every time Sonny asks him to.

Wyndermere: Ethan and Ewan bicker over Cassandra. Ewan says he's moving in. Ethan asks if Cassandra knows. She angrily bursts out of the wall and says no one bothered to ask her. Um, dummy, no one can ask you anything b/c you're too busy trying not to smudge your stupid white clothes while you live in a tunnel like a mole person.

Dante's Loft: Loo and Dante have a boring conversation.

Kelly's: That stripper with the cool hair who is friends with Sean stops by. She sets Carly straight that she's not dating Sean and implies that Carly is into Sean. Carly says they are just friend. Hot ass Johnny shows up, and Stripper Lady smiles knowingly. Because apparently the only person in the world who doesn't know Carly has the hots for Carly is Carly.

Luke finds a piece of paper that contains intriguing information. and by "intriguing", I mean "improbable and likely to inspire a stupid wig and glasses get up."

Commercials

Wynderemere: Cassandra and Ethan wisely pretend that there is nothing going on between them. She says there's something about the house, and she wants Ethan and Ewan here. She daffily says there is an ending here. Ethan asks if it's good or bad. Well, here's a hint, Ethan, it will be a miracle if anything good comes of any of this rot.

Dante's Loft: So Loo sits down at 10am with a glass of wine and monster.com. I'll grant the show that this is pretty alcoholic-y of her.

Luke asks someone to authenticate the Piece of Paper. Luke purrs that he has the goods on Johnny.

Kelly's: Carly agrees to meet Johnny at his place in a few minutes. I giggle at how unenthusiastic he is. It's like he's getting snookered into a Groupon so his pal can get a better price.

Kelly's: TJ hits on Stripper Lady. Sean grabs TJ and snaps him into a chair. TJ speaks rudely about Stripper Lady (which? I'm also pretty rude to not learn her name, but I can't help it that no one says it. or is it Fernelle?) Sean says TJ needs to learn some manners. I've learned this kid's name is Krys Meyer, so that makes me like him a little bit because our names are practically cousins.

Commercials

Boat: dopey stuff happens. xylophones plink.

Bullpen: Alexis thanks Mac for going easy on TJ. Mac asks her to dinner, and she does that whole sputter freak out thing and says she'll call him. she leaves, and dante shows up. Dante and Mac chat about the Strangler. He shows Mac the profile that Ewan did for Detective Mulva. Dante tells Mac that Ewan warned the Strangler is getting angrier, and the next victim may not survive.

Kelly's: Stripper Lady notices how miserable Michael looks and kindly says that Abby would not want him to be miserable. Michael shows her a sketch of the suspect that was released. She recognizes him from the club, but can only say "maybe" he is the guy. Michael starts to leave. He says he can see in her eyes that she's afraid, and he doesn't want her to be afraid anymore. He leaves, and nice Stripper Lady sits there wondering if she just met a serial killer.

Sean tells TJ there are ground rules. Stripper Lady leaves, and TJ says "but come on. She fine."

Birds of Paradise: Carly keeps checking her phone, hoping Luke will come through. She knocks on the door and asks Johnny to take her coat. Carly gussied up by wearing mom jeans an an Old Navy sweater. hot. They banter back and forth for a bit, and then she kisses him, and then they kiss some more.

Commercials

Dante's Loft: Loo has finished her questionnaire. The computer thinks she should go into sales and then asks her to click here to sell her products at home. She slams the computer shut and laments that she wasted a whole afternoon on a scam. Then she looks at the now empty bottle of wine and is a bit freaked out that she drank it all. fair enough.

Carly and Jason offend the sofa, and Carly doesn't see that Luke is calling.

In his little room, Luke says Carly missed her chance, but he knows someone else who wants the info.

Jason's penthouse: Jason convinces Sonny that he can simply jasonically figure out who shot Sonny, and if it was Johnny, he'll make it look like an accident. Sonny tells him to make it snappy, and then he limps off to be useless somewhere else.

Alley: Michael goes back to the same trashcan into which he threw away his gun and then also retrieved his gun. He hears footsteps and draws his gun, looking terrified. Jax materializes out of the shadows and greets his step son. Michael looks ready to we himself.

commercials

YnR 1/19: Adam's Fevered Brain

Madcaps — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 17:27:28 GMT

Somewhere in all of this, I've grown to totally love Angelina. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I want her to grow as a person and become awesome, and get her own scent at Jabot, the whole deal. Sure, she's gross and stupid for telling these ridiculous lies to Kevin and ruining his wedding and maybe his life, but Kevin is very adorable and charming, so what's a dumb girl to do? I do like that she's actually fallen for Kevin, not the idea of him, or not him as a pet that her dad can buy her, but as a person. It's sweet to me that it broke her heart to see the picture of Chloe and Daniel kissing.

and now you know my most embarrassing secret.

Sitcom Living room: Chelseannie wanders around the living room, looking at photos. Victoria is going shopping later and asks Chesleannie if she needs anything. Cheslea wants whatever Victoria thinks is healthy for the baby. Vicki sneers that burgers and beer are out. Chelsea puts on a sappy sweetness and says she's never been pregnant before, and she trusts Vicki's judgement. Victoria sips tea out of a precious little cup and sarcastically says "yes, I believe every word you say." heh.

Stupid Magazine Loft: Billy and Phyllis have a little chat about Nikki's story, and then he leaves so Nick can show up. Phyllis is standing by her word that anything Nikki said was in confidence. Nick rightly points out that this has to be killing her. and it should. This is a crazy, insane huge scoop, and it sucks that Phyllis will be scooped by everyone else.

Gloworm: Michael and Avery chat about how weird the Newmans are. Michael will get Victor released, and he hopes Avery will keep Nikki from being charged. She says it's clear there's only one guilty person.

Jail: Nikki sits in a visiting room. Deacon strolls in wearing day glow orange, a navy skull cap, and chews on a toothpick. Heh. such a drama queen, that one. He sits and puts on a puppy dog face and begs to hear that she's already posted bail. oh, Deacon. Nikki stares at him like just turned into an octopus.

Credits

Crimson Lights: Lauren and Jack chat about the Newman board meeting she's on her way to.

Newman: Tucker and Sharon chat, wondering what this meeting is about. She asks what Tucker and Adam were discussing the day before. Tucker isn't in love with her, so he doesn't tell her. This probably perplexes her. Also, she's still dressed like she's in mourning on Dynasty.

Adam calls the meeting to order and wants another vote on selling Beauty of Nature. Lauren balks, but Adam thinks someone will change his or her mind.

Commercials

Prison: Katherine visits Victor. She's amazed by the lengths Victor and Nikki went to to protect each other. Katherine points out that Victor and Nikki lie to each other, and every single time, a giant, pain in the ass kerfuffle ensues. She adorably hopes Victor has learned his lesson. Yes, that seems likely.

Newman Boardroom: Adam wants the vote done by secret ballot. Even the secretary has an alarmingly unrealistic about of cleavage showing.

Jail: Nikki lists Deacon's crimes and cruelly laughs that it's almost funny that he wants her to bail him out of jail. Deacon puts on that stupid weepy face and says he can help her by being a witness for her. She wants to give him annulment papers and nothing else. She regrets doubting her family and trusting him and she's done with him.

commercials

Stupid Magazine Loft: Nick continues to grovel for Phyllis's affections. He thanks her for working so hard to clear his father's name, and he's sorry for being such a shithead all the time. Still wish Phyllis would stick with Ronan.

Prison: Victor and Kat finish their nice little chat. Michael and Avery show up, so Kat cuts it short. She can't wait untiil they are in the same room, so they can duke it out as rivals. He stands and kisses the glass in front of her face. It's a weird sentence that I'm about to type. Victor was totally adorable and sweet when he did that. see? told you it would be weird. Kat leaves, and Michael and Avery sit to solve Victor's current crisis.

Sitcom Living room: Billy comes home, and Victoria confides that the woman in their house is driving her crazy. Billy promises to fix it, but first he wants to get it on. Chelsea shows up to ask for a space heater. Nikki stops by and immediately begins hating on Chelsea.

Jack's Weird Old Timey House: Genevieve wants to make decisions about the wedding. which is in four minutes. how do they not know what kind of cake yet? (red velvet, cream cheese frosting) Jack just wants to talk about BON and how he has to have the highest bid.

Newman Boardroom: Secret ballot worked in Adam's favor, and the yays have it, and Newman will sell their highly lucrative Beauty of Nature. Lauren is pissed. Adam gloats. Sharon is dopey. Tucker has a good poker face, and we have no idea who anyone else in the room is.

Commercials

Sitcom Living room: Nikki thinks Victoria is bonkers to let Chelsea live in her house. valid.

Magazine Loft: Phyllis toys with Nick a little bit, but then she apologizes to him for not being able to forgive him. He says that's why they'll take it slow. She points out they don't take it slow, and there are three little girls who are going to end up marrying Tucker and Neil if they don't quit being so selfish and dysfunctional all the time. Guitar Guy strums softly, and she offers to buy him a cup of coffee.

Boardroom: Sharon continues to have a big dopey look on her face, and then she leaves all skittish and freaked out like she always is. Lauren follows her. I never want to have Lauren look at me with her Indignant Face. Sharon says she didn't do anything against Victor's wishes.

Commercials

Prison: Micheal learns that he can meet before the judge later today. Avery says Nikki is a separate legal issue.

Gloworm: If I moved to Genoa City, I'd open a restaurant. I think all these people would appreciate having a second choice of eateries. Nikki and Katherine sit around being all sober. Nikki is annoyed that Victor is going to remain married to Sharon, and that Nikki needs to be patient.

Boardroom: Sharon shows up to ask Adam how he knew what the outcome would be. Adam pretends to be preoccupied and says he didn't. She repeats her question. He says he heard through the ballot that someone would change their ballot if it were secret. Adam says she gets to go tell Daddy the bad news. Sharon looks worried.

Commercials

GH 1/18: Kate Wines

Madcaps — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 20:21:05 GMT

Sam naps in the middle of the day and has nightmares about Franco.

Siri tells Spinelli that Franco's warehouse burned down, and a body was found in the rubble.

Maxie and Liz fight over a Matt. Maxie by showing "Woman Behind the Man" photos and gushing about how much chemistry they have. Liz by having a copy of the medical journal that published Matt's study.

Carly overhears that Sean is leaving town, and she pouts accordingly. Alexis and Milly are there too, as is TJ, which I assume is short for Teen Jerk.

Commercials

All Tucked Inn Bar (tm HTCH): Kate rushes to the bar and pounds wine. She whines that she can't be a mobster's girlfriend and watch him die. He tortellis (tm Scalding).

Offices of Boobs and McDweeb: Jason leaves, and Ethan shows up, wanting info on Cassadrip.

Nurse's Station: Maxie says idiotic things that the medical journal isn't even printed on glossy paper. Matt and Liz roll their eyes and say it's a journal, not a magazine. Maxie thinks the Crimson article will mean more than this boring cancer thing. Liz dares her to say one non-stupid thing about Matt's research.

Kelly's: Carly is all "hi, I'm basically your step mom." Milly is happy to already have a friend at PC High (she's eschewing Madison b/c her family members are serial killers, making it awkward to go to the same school as them.) Alexis, Milly and TJ leave so that Carly can whine to Sean about leaving.

Commercials

All Blown Inn Bar: Kate sips wine, and Sonny sits and says dopey things about how people get hurt all the time. Kate is annoyed, hurt, confused, and guilty. Sonny just nods patronizing. That patronizing crap is why I don't see how anyone dates Sonny. She's not equipped for this. She seems quite certain, yet I feel equally certain she's going to spend the hour whining about it, and then sleep with him.

Olivia's Chocolate Apartment: We were thankfully spared watching Olivia and Steve do it. She wants to talk, but he's paged. She suggests he leave some cloths here. Also, she's wearing what appears to be a leotard with ribbons that hold up the bust. or maybe it's some aging lady negligee?

Kelly's: Milly and TJ sip sodas and eat fries while Carly whines to Sean. Ewan pops out of nowhere to speak to Alexis. So that we are forced to endure more boring Carly and Sean wrap up.

Ewan wants to speak to Alexis b/c she's in charge of Wyndermere. He wants to rent it.

Jason's Penthouse: Jason comes home, and Sam tells him she had a nightmare that she couldn't wake up from. He holds her for a moment. She sits up and says they've got to talk about This and what to do with the baby. He looks like he'd rather wax Sonny's taint.

commercials

Nurse's Station: Maxie likens cancer to an annoying girl at a frat party that stalks him, moves in with him, and eats all his foods. Piph breezes by and helps Maxie with some medical jargon. Maxie mentions Fedora Guy. Liz thinks Maxie is pulling a liez.

Olivia and Steven show up and Memphis glowers at them. She's the one who paged Steve. Olivia is not amused.

All Tucked Inn Bar: Sonny agrees to call her the next time he's shot. Kate says he says that now, but he'll always diminish all risk and danger and threat b/c he just wants what he wants. Gee, you mean he'll lie to even you to get what he wants? Sonny tries to be charming, but she shuts him down. She cares about him and loves being with him, but she's allegedly a magazine editor. She can't make him the center of her life. Sonny says he's not asking her to. much.

Kelly's: Sean and Carly gossip about TJ. Meanwhile, Milly says Sean is great and helped her once. TJ is obnoxious and asks if she didn't make the cheerleading squad. Milly gorgeously shuts him down by smiling politely, while frowning with hurt eyes and asks simply "really?" I like that she doesn't get all huffy and say she was coping with a tragic accident that left her family seriously injured and killed a family friend. Her polite disappointment, and TJ is duly chastened. He even makes a sad puppy dog face. Milly changes the subject and says Sean was really hurting. TJ reasonably doesn't care that much about Sean's pain. Neither do I, TJ! At least we have that much in common!

Ethan and Spinelli boring chat about Cassadrone.

Jason and Sam talk about the baby. She regrets having the utero-shoulder surgery. She wonders how she could love that child. Jason asks if she wants to end the pregnancy.

Commercials

Nurse's Station: Maxie berates Matt for letting Liz mock her. Maxie says she's sorry she can't speak medical jargon. Matt says she can't pronounce them b/c she doesn't care. Then Fedora Guy saunters by, and Matt doesn't see him. Matt wonders why a Fedora Guy would stalk her. She starts meth-speaking in riddles about her involvement with Anthony.

Memphis has a patient who was badly burned. Olivia feels like a jerk for begrudging a little girl's health, but she starts counting out loud again. She also thinks Memphis is using the little girl to get close to Steve.

Kelly's: Sean and Carly gossip about TJ.

All Blown Inn Bar: Kate and Sonny blah blah blah. He charms some tears out of her. Then they talk about their stupid childhood love. She points out that he's lived most of his life without her. He lies that he's been pining for her all this time. He wants to find a place in the middle of not dating and dating. She asks for some time. He mutters and flirts and leaves.

Jason's Penthouse: Sam she doesn't want Franco's baby, but she doesn't know what to do. She says she can feel her body changing. Jason tells her to quit thinking about Franco because it might be his. Their song starts playing, and she cries that she knows that, but she doesn't feel that right now. She just feels hate, bitterness, and anger inside of her, and she knows she's putting this on the child. Jason says he doesn't believe that. She cries that the baby might look like Franco. She could end it all right now, but what if it's his baby. He says he'd be the happiest guy in the world. She cries she can't live this way. He softly says he loves her, and whatever she does, he wants to be with her. She wipes her face on her hands, and he strokes her hair.

Commercials

Again, my stupid internet died, so I'm guessing what I wrote.

Matt thanks Liz for caring about his work. She kindly says that Maxie has a lot of interests.

Maxie asks Spinelli to move in.

That song that plays a lot starts playing. It's the one that sounds like hipster Peanuts humming while a piano plays.

Alexis thinks Ewan is weird and thus a perfect match for Wyndermere.

TJ asks Milly what her story is, and she laughs that she's a kid who likes to read. He vows not to go to school.

Carly mentions that Bobbie is in Seattle, and she hires Sean to run Kelly's.

Sam learns from Dr. Bad News Jr that she can get a paternity test. Jason holds her while she cries.

GH 1/17: I may not make it to the muffin top...

Madcaps — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 20:16:59 GMT

Liez told Poor Patrick that Robin left him because she wanted him to have to suffer alone because she's jellus that he's not sick too. I know that's not the reason she gave, but I can't imagine what else would make a spouse act like this. Liez tells him that they have to go along with Robin's selfishness, or she'll quit answering her phone. So poor Patrick has to call her and stifle all his tears and act like he's just a big dummy who thinks he's married to a woman who actually respects him and their vows.

Sam and Jason discuss the cruel irony that she finally got pregnant after his arch nemesis raped her, and that they had sex 3-4 times a day for a month, and Franco only raped her once, so hopefully math wins, and the baby is Jason's?

Someone shot Sonny, but fortunately for Sonny, his shitheadiness is so profound that the bullet took a hard right and only cut into his muffin top. Also, it seems likely that Jax was the shooter.

and Ethan and Loo talk about Cassandra (though Ethan calls her Prudence), and Loo's Big Idiotic Plan is to turn the Haunted Star into an art gallery because of how she likes art and art galleries can be profitable. Look out Wharton School of Business! Looloo is making some amazing strides at making you irrelevant by just pointing out that if someone knows that a business can be profitable, then all they have to do is like the product sold, and fake non ergo, they will be profitable too.

and Cassandra and Ewan chat endlessly about boring things. and neither of them have aliens jump out of their stomachs, and there is no vampire slaying, making it all the more insufferable. There's not even any gratuitous nudity. lame!

on with today

today's characters are Matt and Liez, Johnny, Kate and Carly, Sean and Ancillary Sean Character, Dante and Loo, Tracy and Anthony

Loo brings breakfast to Dante and giggles that being married to him and bringing him breakfast is her favorite thing ever. Aw, I miss those heady newlywed days when something as pedestrian as a breakfast bought at a gas station could elevate my mood to giddiness.

Tracy and Anthony bicker about their marriage.

Sean finds an interloper at Kelly's. It's some random kid who's mad at him for shooting his dad in the back. Oy. So now I have to watch Sean's backstory in action?

For some reason, Kate let Johnny check her oil. (In her car, pervert). Kate was very nice to match her clothes and accessories with Johnny's garage. Everything in the room is a shade of gray, or black or red. Also, Kate did her hair like Zuzu. Carly shows up and chases Kate away.

Sonny shows Michael the hole in his muffin top and warns that this is what dealing with the Z's will get ya.

Commercials

Nurse's Station: Matt is annoyed that Patrick isn't at work. Liez covers for him. Then they talk about Ewan for a bit, and Liz insists she's not seeing anyone. Matt says he told Maxie that he's not ready for a commitment. Um no, you told her you weren't ready to move in and then you left when she complained that a murderer was outside her window. Liez asks if Matt is unprepared for a commitment with anyone, or just Maxie. But then Ewan shows up.

Kelly's: Oh, so this is the kid that is the son of the Marine that Sean killed in Afghanistan? Look, show, don't think you can trick me into caring about Sean by throwing a dead Marine's son in my face.

Scenes from an Italian Restaurant: Sonny explains that he has awesome moves, and that's why he wasn't hurt more from the shooting. I'm not making that part up, just paraphrasing. Sonny believes that he has super powers, apparently, and that he is faster than a freaking speeding bullet and that he reacted to the gunshot and that's why he wasn't injured more. No way does Sonny consider that the lights were off, and the shooter had bad aim. Kate with her Zuzu hair angrily asks why the story is always worse every time she walks through the door? Um? cuz you keep walking through that door? Kate is not all that bright.

Xtreme Motors: I can only assume embarrassing flirting ensues. I suggest watching The Wizard instead.

Commercials

Supply Closet: Liez and Ewan chat. Today he wants to pretend they are in an elevator. No way this dude is really a doctor, right? blah blah, visualize what she wants to open her eyes and see when the doors open. Liez closes her eyes and when she opens them, ,she thinks she wants to be here. ugh.

Kelly's: Apparently Marine Kid acted out and left home and now he's here to stay. Guess no one told him that heroes-in-training have to live in box cars.

Anthony and Tracy yammer on. I am interested in two lamps by the bar. I don't understand why she has to marry him, and I don't intend to pay attention long enough to find out. Something to do with mob money. She prefers all of her exes to him.

Bullpen: Loo gossips about Tracy. She leaves her for her mystery job interview. Detective Mulva shows up with a new plan to nail the Stripper Strangler.

Scenes from an Italian Restaurant: Sonny tries to calm Kate down. She acts all faint. Michael informs her they think Johnny shot Sonny. Sonny says he wasn't going to tell her about it.

Commercials

My computer went offline,a nd then I lost the next segment.

Basically, Kate is gross and fights with Sonny about his being shot, but then she says "I'm not going nowhere."

Liz wants to be in the here and now. She wants a better life, but not a different one.

Mulva hired Ewan to profile the strangler.

Loo wants to be a dog walker, but it turns out she's allergic to pets. Didn't they have a dog when she was little? Maybe she was a five year old for the first 15 years of her life b/c the dog allergies stunted her growth?

Commercials

Nurse's station; Liez and Ewan make googly eyes at each other. Or rather, she makes follicle stimulating hormone faces at him, and he makes possible serial killer faces at her. Matt is dubious about Ewan because Matt is sane.

Anthony is eating a tableful of pastries. I do love a buttery croissant. Tracy passionately defends Luke, while adding she doesn't want him back.

Scenes from an Italian Restaurant: Kate fingers Sonny's hole. where he was shot. She cries that the petals fell of her rose, and he takes the rose and turns his back and puts the petals in his pocket, and says that he glued them back on, and then hands her the rose, and she laughs and giggles that he can fix anything. I'm making fun of her hair, but also, that's what these two are like. She acts like a little girl who can will her imagination into being reality. He is the least Jimmy Stewart-like entity on the planet.

Commercials

Nurse's Station: Piph asks Matt what he's doing here. he gets charmingly existential, on a cellular level. She says he's not as funny as he thinks he is. heh. Liz smiles coyly and wants to show him something. Matt likey. Maxie saunters up and wants to show him something too.

Xtreme Motors: Carly frantically calls Luke and begs him to get her the info that will save her from sleeping with Johnny.

Also, Johnny cleans his gun.

Also, Michael hides a gun in some trash and then later picks the gun out of the trash. With all my might I want Michael to have shot Sonny. That would rule.

the end